Help at Hand
Author Addresses Suicide, Perfection

               Seven years ago Christy Whitman's sister committed suicide.

Whitman looked up to her older sister, Terrie Valesh. She cherished her sister's love, wisdom and intelligence. Whitman was devastated by her sister's death. Afterward she was left to work out her feelings of guilt, anger and sadness.

She eventually wrote a book about her experiences that Whitman says should also serve as a guide to others.

"My book really gives a person permission to heal," Whitman said of her book, "Why Did She Choose Suicide?" which she published in 2004.

Although Whitman's primary career is in pharmaceutical sales, she has found time to write two books. In 2003 she published "Perfect Pictures, 'An Inspirational Book For Those Who Like It Perfect.'"

"Perfect Pictures" was written to help people set realistic expectations in other people, said Whitman, who lives in Philadelphia, PA.

Many people tend to be "perfectionists" but are left unhappy because they don't also appreciate what they have achieved, she said.

"Perfection is an illusion," she wrote in "Perfect Pictures." "When we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others, we will experience suffering in our lives. We are left feeling that what we have is never good enough."

Some people create unrealistic expectations about their body weight. They want to be unrealistically thin, she said. Or they are unhappy with their hair, or their spouses' appearance or behavior.

"If you don't look like a supermodel, you say, 'Well, I'm not measuring up to what society says is the ideal,'" Whitman said.

"It really is a source for a lot of people's unhappiness," Whitman said. "Once you are aware of it, you can then separate youself from it."

People can train themselves to avoid setting their expectations too high, she said.

"The bottom line is that it (beauty) has to come from within. Happiness is an inside job," she said.

Whitman, 34, said she also does personal life coaching and consulting with groups and individuals.

Whitman is co-authoring a third book, with Bay Area marriage and family therapist Rebecca Grado, which helps women deal with competition. She has titled the third book "The Fairest One of All." It explains how women compete with each other at work and socially.

Currents editor Damon Arthur can be reached at 530-225-8226 or by e-mail at darthur@redding.com.

Photo by Ryan Long / Record Searchlight