Emotional intelligence is a concept that gained popularity decades ago and is now experiencing a resurgence. But what exactly is emotional intelligence? On today’s show, Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman take a closer look at emotional intelligence and why mastering your emotions and energy is so important in a relationship. At the end of the day, we’re in a relationship with anyone. Tune in to this episode and discover how you can develop emotional intelligence and have a deeper connection with your divine self.
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We are talking about emotional intelligence.
How do you know that your partner has emotional intelligence?
More importantly, how do you know if you do? First of all, what is emotional intelligence? It’s being able to understand and know when you are having some emotion, whether you’re feeling angry or sad. When you’re feeling a whoosh of emotion, knowing what the emotion is and that it’s you that’s having it. More importantly, what is the communication that your emotion is trying to give you?
For example, if suddenly you feel a whoosh of anger, there’s communication there. There’s information there from you to you about someone maybe pushing a boundary. Maybe you felt angry at someone because they said they weren’t going to say something to somebody else and they did. Maybe someone didn’t say or do something, and it’s an opportunity for you to realize you’re not getting what you want.
There’s a boundary that needs to be created by you. Maybe you wanted something and you felt frustrated. Whatever emotion is coming up in you, it’s a visceral feeling that you allow yourself to be in the oneness of, to allow yourself to feel it. When you do, you are able to learn what to do with it.
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Emotional Intelligence Is The Ability To Be Connected With Yourself
A lot of times, people don’t have any awareness that they’re feeling anything. It comes out sideways. They don’t know how to master their emotions and energy. It ends up hurting their relationship or other people. You can be aware and say, “I need a moment right now. I’m feeling frustrated by this.”
You’re able to feel your frustration, let go of the energy, and receive what the communication is from you to you. You need to communicate with your partner, for example, “I felt really frustrated about this. I would prefer this next time.” Emotional intelligence is the ability to be connected with yourself. The more self-aware you are of what your emotions are, the more you are as an energy master.
That’s being self-aware of yourself. Too often, people react when you’ve got some anger. You’ll start screaming on the phone or in the middle of the street when you’re in New York.
My assistant, Beth, and I were in New York City. We were hearing this man screaming at the top of his lungs and there are all these people around him. He said, “You said I’d get the card.”
Talk about emotional intelligence.
That guy didn’t have much. You don’t do that. It was not proper behavior to scream where there are all these people. Here’s where we had our own emotional intelligence. We could feel the energy coming off him. We clearly could see that he’s angry and we went around him.
That’s part of having good emotional intelligence.
If we would have said something to him like, “What’s your problem?” We would have gotten blasted by this guy. Women, what do we love most? When you’re frustrated, angry, having anxiety, or afraid of something and your partner goes, “Relax.”
“All is going to be good and end up well, just calm down.” That’s not what the woman wants to hear.
That’s not having emotional intelligence in your couple. I go deeper into this in the Quantum Energy Mastery class about emotional intelligence, the steps, and all these different things. We’re here to talk about couples.
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When you see your partner having a huge emotion coming up, whether it’s sadness, frustration, or anger, don’t tell them what to do. Don’t give them advice at that moment. That’s not emotional intelligence on your own part to be able to notice what’s going on.
That used to piss me off even more. I know a lot of couples that we’ve heard from where the wife is feeling upset and the husband’s just like, “Relax, calm down.” We don’t want to hear that. It’s like, “You’re upset. Do you need time? What do you need?”
It’s not easy at the moment and to have that emotion coming at us. That’s how I was reacting when I would see Christy in fear or in anger. I was like, “What did I do?” It wasn’t about me. It’s not about the partner. I realized that this is about her. This is something that’s happening inside of her.
This is a trigger that’s being pushed about a behavior that she experienced in her life somewhere that triggers that type of anger or fear. I got into a place of compassion for her and I’m able to understand what’s going on. I can say to her truthfully, “I’m sorry that you’re going through that. I’m sorry that this is happening to you.”
It could be something as simple as, “I hear you. I’m going to give you space right now. What do you need? Do you need space? Do you need a hug?” If I’m upset about something and I’m crying, he won’t just come and try to hug me and rescue me. He’ll say, “Do you want a hug?” Sometimes, I’ll say, “No, I need my own space right now.” Other times, I’ll come and say, “I need a hug.”
It’s not personal. We are there as a support.
Emotional Intelligence Is Something You Develop
This whole topic of emotional intelligence is important to understand within yourself. When you have your emotions, what support do you need? Do you need a coach to help you? Do you need to get some healing done? Do you need to have some different processes and tools to help you process your emotions?
Gather what you can when you are not afraid and not suppressing your emotions. You’re having more of a present moment awareness with yourself and willing to take the time with yourself when something happens, when contrast appears.
When you’re moving about your day and all of a sudden you feel negative or feel worried about something, to be able to stop, take some breaths, and process the emotion. Do what you need to do to then take the next step to ensure that you are moving in a different direction or choosing something different. You’re not creating the same situation over and over again.
You’re not creating drama around it where you’re saying, “You don’t know how I feel.” You’re right. We’ll never know how you’re feeling. We’re not inside of you, so we can’t understand. We’re not you, you’re yourself. That’s putting drama into your life.
We have a program called From Drama to Love that explains the concept of being in the drama triangle, coming out of it and recognizing those patterns and behaviors. There are easy steps to follow and ways of communicating with each other that will help any couple get out of the drama triangle.
We’re in a relationship with anyone. What’s important is that we understand and are able to manage and master our own energy, know where our energy edges are, especially when it comes to our emotions. Be able to be present with ourselves and be able to have that self-awareness.
That is the whole process of being able to be in emotional intelligence. It’s something you develop. It’s not something that every person naturally has. We have to develop that. When you do, you are so much more in alignment, using your own free will and can do a deeper connection with your divine self.
There have been studies. People that have emotional intelligence are more effective at work. They make more money, are more successful, and have more lasting and supportive relationships. It’s a piece that’s important.
If you want to even learn more about emotional intelligence, you can go to QuantumEnergyMastery.com. Like Frederic was saying, understand the ins and outs of the drama triangle and go from drama to love. Move out of the drama triangle and into the circle of love. You can go to BreakingFreeFromDrama/love, which is a free seven-day series that you can take advantage of, or you can go directly to From Drama to Love.
Thank you so much for being here. We appreciate your feedback and the comments that this information has been helping you. If you want to go deeper and further with us, you know how to reach out to us. You can always go to ChristyWhitman.com as well. Thank you.