What was the worst relationship advice you have received from family and friends? Did you heed their opinion or not? You must remember that the best guidance you can get is from yourself, your intuition. Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman talk about the worst advice to ever receive about your relationship or for your relationship. By suggesting some crucial avenues for seeking the right advice, they share the kind of help they can give you. Looking at positive aspects is a sign of loving the divine self and this alone can lead you to understanding your relationship better. From venting to being connected to your inner being to discover the best advice for yourself, Frederic and Christy provide simple tips on avoiding bad advice.
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Conscious Coupling: What’s The Worst Advice You Have Ever Received in Your Relationship?
We’re going to talk about what is the worst advice you’ve ever received about your relationship or for your relationship.
Unwanted advice, that is.
It’s unsolicited and solicited advice. What if you go to a therapist or a counselor and they give you really bad advice? We have a very different perspective. We’re not therapists. Not that there’s anything wrong with therapy. I had therapy for years. Therapy is a very important practice so is counseling.
When someone is telling me what you should do, what you ought to do, what you have to do, giving you advice about your relationship and telling you your next steps. I am always very weary of that, because who is anybody to tell me what to do in my life?
The Only One That Has Authority With You Is Your Divine Being
The only one that has authority with you is your divine being, your own innate wisdom, your own intuition. You have all the wisdom inside of you. You have all the information. What Frederic and I do is we share things that have worked for us.
We share what has got us out of the drama triangle and has moved us into the circle of love. We have shared and will continue to share some of the communication skills, the conflict resolutions, the way that we create our goals and our visions together and all these different things. We’re here suggesting things to you, but we are never going to give you advice. Who are we to tell you what to do?
We ask you questions that returns you back to your own inner wisdom. That’s what it needs to be. If anyone is telling you what you should or shouldn’t do either if it’s unsolicited or if it is solicited, you go to a therapist. They will tell you what to do. You have to check in with yourself.
I want to give a situation. I had a client named Cheryl that I was working with. I always change the names to protect the innocence. Cheryl had been in an over 25-year marriage to a wonderful man, yet it had been 25 years of built-up pain body, 25 years of things that she pushed under the rug and didn’t process.
When I was working with Cheryl, she started to release some of those things and started to see the positive aspects of her marriage and of her partner. Simultaneously she went to a therapist and the therapist took her down line of questioning to bring out what was she frustrated with, what she could not handle anymore, questions like on a scale of 0 to 100, where are you wanting a divorce?
These kinds of questions that are negative are going to lead someone down that track of focusing on what they don’t want, what they don’t want to continue, what they get frustrated with? It will not bring someone back to their inner alignment. It won’t bring someone back to the fact that this person that you’re in a marriage with is a divine assignment.
If you do love that person and you do want to work it out, their divine self looks at you and them as someone that is loved, adored and is only looking at the positive aspects of you and them. When you look at what are the positive aspects, what are the things that you appreciate about your partner instead of how frustrated are you?
It’d be easy when you’re frustrated to focus on the things that you’re frustrated about. As you continue to focus on that, you’re activating more of that vibration. It’s going to be easy to go, “I’ve had 25 years of this frustration. I don’t need any anymore. Even though we’ve shared kids, all this stuff, I’m done.”
What if you actually looked at, “I’ve shared 25 years with this person. I love this person, I care about this person. I would like the relationship to be better and different in this way. There are things that I have to release within myself, my own resentments, my own frustrations, and come back to a space of love and light?” The relationship opens up in a very different way. We’ve seen this many times. It’s like pushing the reset button on your relationship.
How about finding new ways to connect with each other? How about finding new things about what your partner loves after being together for 10, 15, 20 years. There’s still new stuff with both in a couple growing together. Your interests are changing. Your love of things is changing. All the things around you are changing as well.
This is having a mature relationship. This is being able to give yourself your best advice because you’re connected with your inner being. You’re connected with your feelings. This allows you to have a truly happy marriage. This will allow you to have relationship growth and get to know each other. The relationship advice is the one that you want to maybe get a second opinion, but find someone that’s going to put you towards what you do want and not what you don’t want.
If you’re working with someone that is more focused on the things that are wrong and bad, you may want to find someone maybe like us, Frederic and Christy that are going to guide you in a way, in the direction that you do want to get so that you’re getting the best advice. Even though we don’t give advice. You’re getting the best guidance, you’re getting the best focus so that what you do attract in your life is more of what you want and less of what you don’t.
Getting Unsolicited Advice
Let’s talk about unsolicited advice.
It’s coming also from a neutral point of view. With us, for example, we’re giving you some suggestions. We’re giving you tools for you to work with. We’re not coming from a place where it’s biased. For example, a family member or friends might give you some advice knowing that you feel a certain way about the couple, the relationship and the person you’re with. That is where it’s unsolicited advice that you don’t want to have from friends or family.
What happens is oftentimes we want to vent on what’s going on with friends and family. We want to say whether we’re disappointed with something. Often that’s why we vent, we’re disappointed with a certain situation and we talk about it. That’s what we wanted to say.
If I was going to be frustrated or if I’m frustrated with Frederic, I could call my girlfriend, Dawn, and go, “I need to vent.” She listens to me and will go, “That sucks.” She’ll do that whole thing. I’m able to vent it to let it go. It’s a way for me because I’m an extrovert. It allows me to help release that energy, feel it and let it go. She doesn’t go, “You know what you should do.”
There are other people that will be talking and all of a sudden will start giving us advice about what we should do in our relationship. We look at them like, “We’re good. We’re fine.” There’s a big difference. You might find that you do that with other people too. You try to give them advice without them asking.
That’s playing the rescuer role inside the drama triangle because what it does is say that Frederic goes to vent to someone he knows about me. I’m the bad guy. He’s the victim and this person giving him unsolicited advice, playing the rescuer or own the drama triangle.
If someone is starting to give you advice that you don’t want, say to them, “Thanks, I’m good though. We’re good. We’ve got to figure it out. We’ll work it out.” It’s a boundary to say that, “We don’t need someone coming in our relationship and giving us advice that we didn’t ask for.”
I don’t need a suggestion on what needs to be done. What I need you to do is put the listening hat on. Put the ears so that you’re recognizing that I’m wanting to get rid of that frustration that’s inside of me. I want to vent it out. I want someone to hear me and women do that good and well. They know that we need to talk about certain things. We’re frustrated about a situation.
Men on the other hand, we don’t necessarily know that when there is frustration inside and we are wanting to talk about it and say to the other person, to our friend, for example, “I’m just wanting to vent out this situation.” Not wanting to have you say, “She’s a bad guy. She’s wrong. She’s not doing it right,” or “He’s the bad guy.” That’s not what it’s about.
Listen to what’s happening and we’re not too good at saying, “I need to get rid of the charge that’s inside of me. There’s a lot of frustration that’s going on. I want to talk about it.” That’s not easy to figure out inside of us.
Let me ask you a question. What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given in your relationship? I’m going to share mine. I’m not going to say who it came from, but I had someone told me when we were first dating, that I needed to give him an ultimatum because I wanted to get married. I should tell him that if we don’t get married, it’s over. That was the worst advice.
Luckily, I had a girlfriend, Dawn, that I called and said, “I got this advice.” She’s like, “That’s crazy. You’re going to lose him if you do that.” I’m like, “I would never do that.” Do you know the worst advice in a relationship that you’ve ever been given?
Don’t get married. I’ve heard it a lot of times from friends, from guys talking together. I’m glad I listened to my inner self when I met the right one.
We want to know. Leave us a comment on what is the worst advice you’ve ever been given.
We Are Under The Influence Of Energy All The Time
One thing I want to have you take away and leave is that we’re taking in literally energy. We have receptor sites on every single one of our selves. We are under the influence of energy all the time. We can receive energy, opinions, advice and all kinds of energy that are coming at us from different people in our lives. We could also be in the energy receiving mode of our divine self.
When it’s coming from other people, you have to decipher, be discerning who you want to receive advice from and look at that person and say, “Is this a person that I want to have their lifestyle, I want to have the results that they have in their life?” I’m not going to take advice from someone that’s been married and divorced three times. Probably that’s not the person that’s going to give me the best advice.
If someone’s giving me solicited or unsolicited advice, be discerning as far as who you’re listening to. One of my friends, as a soccer mom, was saying that she was taking her child to a therapist and she got guilted into signing up for another session. What I said is no one can ever make us feel how we don’t choose to feel. That’s the first step in empowerment.
Understanding that if someone is trying to guilt us or shame us in to do something and we accept it, that’s ours, that’s on us. That is being under the influence of someone else. We have to be able to say yes to what feels good to us and no to what doesn’t feel good to us. That’s how you start to listen to your inner voice. That’s how you start to take your best advice. That’s why you start getting influenced energetically from your divine self who always loves and adores you.
That advice that you’re getting, you can ask yourself, “Is this the best thing that I can do for myself right now? Is this the best advice that I can get right now?” Look at it and feel that instead of taking it and going with it. You’re allowed to figure out, “Let me think about it first. Is that something that I want to do?”
Don’t accept it at just face value. Question it. Is that right for me? Let us know what you’re taking away and let us know what is the worst advice you’ve ever been given in your relationship? Next time, we are going to be talking about how to keep your relationship exciting. How to have a mindful, loving love manifestation relationship. We’re going to give you ten points on how to spice it up.
See you in the next episode.