When you’ve finally unlocked the Law of Attraction and its potential for your life, you would naturally want your loved ones to hear about it and accept it. But you must remember that we all learn at our own pace and you cannot change other people but yourself. In this episode, Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman talk about growing at different paces and still loving and respecting each other. The key is changing your outlook – not that of others – and continue seeing the positive side in your daily life. When the Law of Attraction manifests with you, other people will want to learn and apply it for themselves.
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The Law Of Attraction: Pulling Others In By Doing Your Own Inner Work
If you believe in the Law of Attraction and you’re doing energy work but your partner doesn’t, how does that affect the relationship? One thing that we always wanted to talk about and we talked a little bit about on the last episode is that one of the universal laws of relationship is that you cannot change anybody else except for yourself. If you’re looking at your partner and you’re bothered by the fact that he or she doesn’t buy into the Law of Attraction, the good news is that you don’t have to have everybody else believe what you believe in order for you to have what you want in your relationship.
You can actually believe in the Law of Attraction. You can do the inner work, you can see the changes and your relationship will reflect it or not. There are a couple of things that will happen. The cool thing is I always like to call this equation like having a cake. When I found out about the Law of Attraction, I wanted everybody to know about it and I felt like everybody needed to know about it. That’s probably why I do what I do now, but I would try to tell it to my parents who definitely didn’t get it, or my friends or my husband at the time. Not this one, but I was married before. He thought it was a nice idea, but living through it wasn’t his thing and he wasn’t into it.
What I did is I kept believing in it myself and I kept raising my own vibration. I kept taking care of healing myself and doing my own inner work. I like to equate it as having like you’ve just made the most awesome, best tasting cake that’s so beautiful. You want everybody to share a piece with you. It’d be like me going to Frederic going, “Here, take my cake, have a bite,” and he’s like, “No, thanks. I’m not interested.” I’m like, “No, but you’ve got it. You’ve got to taste the cake. You’ve got to eat this cake.” He’s like, “No.” He’s getting annoyed, “I don’t want your cake.” “No, really.” I’m now shoving it, “Taste it, smell it.” He’s getting more irritated and angry. Go ahead and just enjoy your own cake. Eat it, enjoy it. He’s going to be watching you eat your cake. He’s going to see things are changing and shifting for you and he’s going to be like, “That looks good. What is that? I’d like a bite of your cake.”
We all go at our own pace. I remember when we met, I was interested in finding out my own growth and finding answers to what I had, what my voices were inside. We all do it at our own pace and it’s okay. She likes to experience things right away at the level of awareness where she wants to experience it all as quickly as possible. You’re fast. It’s not that way. I want to experience it in stages. I like to chew on my cake. I like it digested. That’s how the way that I experience my own growth. Often I’ll tell her, “I’m done with going out to events. I’ve done two or three events. I’m done with it. I now want to look at these events and these experiences and look into it, do the inside work after that.” That’s how I perceive it and we all do it at our own pace. That’s okay.
The cool thing is that somebody else doesn’t have to do it with you. You are going to change the relationship by changing your own situation, your own vibration. The thing I love about is the Law of Attraction will take care of it. For example, I was sharing with Frederic, I wanted to share this story and this isn’t necessarily what’s going to happen for you. The Law of Attraction takes care of things in the way that they need to be taken care of. When I was in my first marriage, he was a very good person, a good guy and had a lot of love for me. I loved him but I felt very dissatisfied in the relationship. I felt that there was a lot of places where I wasn’t stimulated on many levels. I felt like I said I do, so that was a commitment that I made. I was going to stick it out.You can change your relationships by changing your own situation and your own vibration. Click To Tweet
Even though my bags were packed energetically and mentally sometimes because I knew that I wasn’t satisfied, I was there and I was going to stay there. What happened was this one weekend on a Friday night, I’ll never forget this, we had a financial planner come over and he was telling me how great I’m doing and how he could be doing better and we as a couple and all this stuff. We had a discussion afterward. I had made a very big declaration that I was feeling like I wanted more contribution in all aspects of our relationship. I didn’t have the skillsets that I have now, so I’ll own part of that.
He got so angry at me that he wouldn’t talk to me the whole weekend. I felt like, “I’m telling you, I going to eat my own cake.” I went and got massages and I went shopping. I spent my weekend pretty much by myself, reading books and spending time meditating in my room and feeling connected to myself and feeling happy. It was on a Sunday night, I remember that I thought, “This isn’t working,” meaning not the relationship but I meant living in the same house, not being able to talk, ignoring each other. I came up to my former husband and I said to him, “This isn’t working.” I wasn’t specific. I was very general, what this is. I could’ve said, “This living together and not talking is not working for me.” What I chose to say, what came out was this is not working. He literally took off his wedding ring and threw it at me. He said, “Fine, I’ll give you a divorce.”
He’s thinking she means the relationship isn’t working.
Once he did that, I went, “That’s a fantastic idea. I didn’t even think about that.” That felt like the right thing to do. I walked away in a state of complete shock. I’m like, “I didn’t even ask for that. That was amazing.” The more I settled in with that decision, the more it felt like the right decision. For me, it wasn’t the right partner to be in a partnership with. Obviously, I’m with my right partner now. I had eight years in a relationship with him. He’s still is a fantastic guy. I have absolute love and appreciation for him for how much I grew and the laughter I have. We’re still in contact every once in a while. He’ll send me an email because he heard of the funniest thing that reminded me of him and we get to giggle and that’s it.
There’s just complete appreciation for who I became in that relationship so I could be who I am now in this one. I’ll always have a fondness for him. I walked away from that going, “Literally, the Law of Attraction took care of it for me.” This is a relationship where many times, the same kind of thing. He wasn’t doing his inner work and I was. We’ve had situations where he had to wake up and he woke up and started doing his growth. That once again is a place where the Law of Attraction took care of it. You have to beat your partner over the head trying to teach them about the Law of Attraction. If he is someone or she is someone that is not against you doing it, some people are like, “That’s sacrilegious,” or whatever.
If your partner is like that and they allow you to learn what you’re learning and maybe take courses or listening to podcasts or they feel like, “Go for it. Good for you. If it makes you feel better, great,” then hold onto that. You have your freedom, your allowance, you’re able to be free in that, but give the same respect to your partner and respect that they’re not ready for it yet. As you’re making your life work and you’re coming to the relationship with an even better attitude and more appreciation and more gratitude because that is working with the Law of Attraction, then the relationship will improve too.
If you’re holding onto a space of he needs to or she needs to change, meaning they need to also apply the Law of Attraction or else I can’t be happy, then you’re not in the space of working with the Law of Attraction. You’re in resistance. You’re out of the Law of Allowing. If you’re in that perspective of, “I’m learning about this, I’m going to appreciate what I have in my partner. I’m going to appreciate what I love about my relationship. I’m going to focus on what I do want. I’m going to feel good. I’m going to take responsibility for my own emotions.” You’re communicating from boundaries and all the things that we talk about. You will see your relationship improve even if he or she is not into the Law of Attraction themselves.
It will cause a more interesting conversation about what you’re interested in because you’re taking care of yourself. I know that when we talk about what you go through, I don’t have to go through these same things in order to have a conversation with you. I am interested in what she’s doing and the growth that she’s having. She tells me those moments for her that she realizes, “I realized I was doing this and this is the reason why I was doing that.” That’s awesome for me to see because I’m interested. I want to know more about her. I don’t want her to tell me to try and take care of me or change me exactly for me to do the same thing that she’s doing. That’s what it is.
We come into a relationship and people think that I have to take care of that other person in order to afterward take care of us, the relationship. No, it’s the other way around. Take care of yourself first in the relationship so then you can take care of the relationship. Let me say that again. I want to take care of myself first before I take care of the relationship. Afterward, you do things for each other not in a way like a mother or father needs to take care of a child, but in a way that you’re doing things of service to each other. You’re doing things in a loving way for each other. You’re listening to each other. You’re having healthy conversations with each other.
I love that you said that. I want to say something because some people will say, “If you’re taking care of yourself first, isn’t that selfish?” Yes, it’s a healthy selfish. That’s important to understand because if you’re choosing to be happy no matter what, that’s taking care of yourself. If you’re choosing to pay attention to yourself enough to know what thoughts you’re thinking, that’s taking care of yourself. If you’re choosing to take a few minutes to center yourself with your divine self, with the one that’s breathing you, with the one that is your life partner and you’re doing that, that’s taking care of yourself. That’s being a healthy selfish. We’re not talking about neither would do we do this in our relationship, “Screw you. I don’t care about you. I’m taking care of myself. I’m not going to consider you at all. I’m only going to think about myself and forget the rest of you.” That’s not what we’re talking about here.Take care of yourself first before taking care of your relationships. It's selfish but a healthy kind of selfish. Click To Tweet
I’m playing poker with the boys on Friday. I’ll be golfing on Sunday. I have a hockey game on Monday.
That was the beginning of our relationship.
“That’s what I’m doing.” No, there is a way to handle that together to make sure that for me, my golf experience is important because that’s how I reconnect with nature. I reconnect with myself. She’s understanding of that. She’s not going to tell me, “You’re playing golf and how long is it going to take? You’re going to be back in four or five hours?” No, she knows that for me, this is my connection. I’m taking advantage of that so that I can come back in a better light, be enthusiastic about life afterward and be in my joy space.
It may not even be like a golf game. It could be you going to bed half an hour earlier because you want to read or you want to meditate a little bit. You’re taking care of yourself instead of spending that extra half an hour with your partner at night. That’s what’s going to center you or you’re getting up earlier to do that.
We’re talking something that makes you feel happy. That’s what it is. It’s something that makes you feel good inside.
If your partner does not believe in the Law of Attraction or doesn’t believe in growth, but you’re feeling like you want something to shift and change, you need to be the one that shifts and change. One of the things that you can do in changing yourself or shifting yourself as another way of saying it is you can modify your own reaction to your partner’s behavior. You can get in more of an accepting space and allowing space and love the person for who they are, for where they are. For all the good qualities that they do have, for all the things that you do love about them and appreciate about them, look for their positive aspects.
When you can stop getting so hooked and when you do get hooked, not beat yourself up, but find out what is that hook, what is that emotional reaction that I’m having, what am I needing from my partner in order for me to be happy. That’s when you’re going to get some energetic shifting happening. The Law of Attraction is just going to bring you more of what you want and less of what you don’t. When you start releasing the need to change other people or alter their behavior so that you’re going to be happy, if you do this, then I would be happy, then you’re getting out of the drama triangle. You’re moving into the circle of love, you’re moving into that space of freedom and you get to actually feel good.
When you feel good, you’re going to want to give more into your relationship. In all of your relationships, everything’s going to shift. These are two things that you can do right now. One of the greatest powers that you possess and to make your life and your relationship work is the opportunity for you to have conscious awareness of who you are, of what you want, of what you prefer and what knocks you off. Where are you in lack? How can you shift it over to abundance and get back into the flow of and your natural well-being and flow of abundance and feeling good?
That is the only way that you could change the outcome of a relationship is by changing your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions into more of a positive aspect. If you do have negative aspects to all of those, guess what the outcome is going to be in their relationship? It will be a negative experience. Practice with family members. That’s the best way to have that first experience is with family members. Some family members are totally different than who we are. There is an allowing that needs to happen and an ability to center yourself into what your needs are and what your beliefs are as well.
If you want more personal one-on-one help or two on one help, you can go to ConnectedCoupling.com and fill out the form. We have other different ways to support you in shifting your relationship energetically from the 30-day meditations that we have to a program that we’re going to be launching soon. That’s a live seven-week step-by-step program in order to be able to shift yourself. There are lots of good, juicy stuff that we have come and available. If you’re interested, go to ConnectedCoupling.com and fill out the form. On the next episode, we are going to be talking about the Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. This is a big one. This is the one that for me, if you look at all the seven essential laws, this is the law that pulls it all together. It is especially true in relationships. I like to call this one the Mac Daddy of the laws. Enjoy yourself and take care of your own cake. Bake a cake, eat your cake and if people want to share your cake with you, they’ll come and ask you for it.