Try as you might, you can never truly keep your feelings hidden from your partner. The shared truths of relationships are often communicated through vibrations, energies. Christy Whitman and Frederic Gobeil discuss the second rule of relationships: “If it’s true for you, then it’s true for me.” Oftentimes, in an attempt to lift the burden of your own emotions from your partner, you attempt to obscure your truth and reality from them, not knowing that what you’re doing is just exacerbating the problem. Your feelings are your truth, and as Christy and Frederic demonstrate, communicating them is an important step you should be able to take in a relationship.
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The Shared Truths Of Relationships
What we are talking about on the show is the second rule of relationship. We’ve talked about the first rule of relationship and our teacher, Karen Wilson. The first rule of relationship is we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves in their presence and that’s a huge rule.
We’re talking about the second one and we’re going to go through these seven because there are seven rules of relationship at our couple’s retreat in Scottsdale. You can go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples to learn more about it. We are going to be going through the seven of them in our couple’s retreat.
If It’s True For You, Then It’s True For Me
For now, we’re talking about the second rule of relationship, which is, “If it’s true for you, then it’s true for me.” This affects all relationships. If there’s something that feels off that you feel maybe disrespected or you feel certain anger, what you’re feeling in the relationship, the other person on some level energetically is also feeling it. That’s the second rule of relationship.
In some ways, there is a common feeling with what’s going on from each other, whether it’s anger, even if it’s sadness, if it’s happiness, in some ways, your partner does feel it and often it comes from the body. The body speaks to us. Whether it’s something in your body or your facial expression, your partner will feel and see that.We are energy receivers and energy transmitters. Click To Tweet
We have to start with the basis that everything is energy. Energy doesn’t lie and it carries vibrations in the universe. All vibration is communication that goes out into the universe. Even the universe could be the relationship that you’re having with your partner. As I’m feeling a sense of anger, frustration, joy, gratitude or appreciation, those waves of energy go to the other person and they receive it.
We’re receiving energy. We are energy receivers and then we’re also energy transmitters. If your partner is in the receiving mode of it, he or she is going to be resonating with the same vibration that you’re giving out. If you are frustrated, even if you don’t say, “I am frustrated,” even if you are holding it inside, you’re communicating with your vibration and the energy that you give out. Your partner is going to feel it.
Why this is important in a relationship is because when you can feel yourself first and understand that “Something’s wonky here or I don’t feel respected, I don’t feel heard, I don’t feel appreciated or I’m feeling irritated with this person.”
It’s good to be able to feel that within yourself and understand that if it’s going on within you, at some level, whether it’s conscious or not, it’s going on within the other person. You can tell your partner, “I feel this right now. This is going on inside of me and I want to talk about it.” That way it opens the communication like, “I’m feeling angry.”Energy doesn't lie, and it carries vibrations in the universe. Click To Tweet
That’s part of sometimes that frustration that someone would have, feeling angry, disappointed, frustrated that that person wants to show it. He does not necessarily need to show it in an extravagant way or in a drama type of way and do drama, but try to center themselves and stay somewhat calm. What would be the thing that they would need to do to feel their feeling?
Feel Your Own Feelings
You first have to feel your own feelings. You have to know how you’re feeling first before you ever communicate it. We’ve talked about on the show that you want to process that emotion of anger, frustration or whatever it is so that you’re not coming with all this great emotion at your partner.
It’s to feel the frustration and honor your own energetic vibration and feelings and then to be able to go to your partner and say, “This is what’s going on inside of me. I’m feeling frustrated and here are the reasons why.” That way, your partner can then say, “I’ve been feeling that too,” then you can talk about it.
If it is true for you, it’s true for them as well. This is in all relationships. It doesn’t matter if it’s a father and a son or a daughter and a mother-in-law or a daughter and a mother or sister-in-law. If it’s true for one, it is true for the other because this is an energetic tie. It’s feeling yourself and being able to honor yourself first and then being able to communicate it and talk about it. It’s looking for the solution so that this feeling doesn’t continue to happen.
Frederic and I have talked about this before in other shows where it’s like if I’m pissed off or disappointed, maybe I’m angry because I’m not getting what I want in a relationship. The go-to emotion for someone might be frustration or anger because you’re not getting what you want. Instead of communicating what you want or need to your partner, you silently throw energy, throw daggers.
Your partner is going to feel that. It might come out in the way of seeing nothing I ever do feels like enough because if you’re feeling bad in any way, it’s coming from lack. If you’re feeling good, you’re in abundance. If I’m in a place of anger, frustrated or disappointed, that energy is going to hit him as if he’s not enough, “He’s not doing enough, not being enough, and he’s disappointing me.” He’s going to feel that energetic vibration of lack.
Be Connected With Yourself
How do we get back to communicating and connecting with ourselves when we’re in that energy of frustration?
The sooner you can catch it, the better. The solution for everything is to be connected with yourself and to know how you are feeling, to process those emotions, to communicate what you would prefer with your partner, “I’ve been feeling angry about this. I’m feeling angry or I’m disappointed about the way the boys had been treated,” for example. I would prefer that they’re treated this way or whatever it is.
Have your partner explain and talk about how they feel as well so that you’re coming to a place of what has been happening isn’t working for either one of us. What are the solutions? What are our options? How do we move forward so that we’re both getting what we want in this relationship?
The next episode that we’re going to be talking about is a couple’s vision. It’s important to look at all aspects of your relationship. When you’re noticing some level of contrast where it shows up as a negative emotion, ask yourself, “What is it that I want? Why do I want it and how do I want to feel?” You can figure that out within yourself because you’re the one feeling the emotion and you’re the one aware of the emotion.
Maybe your partner is not or the mother-in-law, sister-in-law, sister, brother, best friend or whoever you’re in a relationship with. You’re the one feeling it. Since you’re the one aware of it, deciding for yourself what is it that I want? Why do I want that? How do I want to feel? You process that energy so that you can come to the person you’re in a relationship with and say, “This isn’t working for me and here’s what I would like for a solution. Here’s what I would prefer instead.”
This is like having good timing with your partner. If you need to have a certain time in order to reflect on what’s going on with yourself, then mention that you need a little bit of time to assess what’s going on with yourself to dig inside and look at, “This is why I’m reacting like that. This is the reason why I’m angry.”Feeling bad in any way comes from lack. If you're feeling good, you're in abundance. Click To Tweet
If you sit down and think about it, you’ll find out as you peel the layer, where’s the issue. As you come up with the issue, then you can sit down with your partner and say, “This is what I’m feeling right now. This is the reason why I’m angry,” and have better communication around that.
We’re going to dive deep in the seven rules of a relationship. We’ve talked about one and we’ve done one on another episode. Now, it’s all about, “If it’s true for you, it’s true for me.” If there’s some level of vibrational dissonance happening within yourself, it is true for the other person at some level because they’re picking up on it. These are important relationship rules to understand, to be able to know and to implement.
We are going to be diving deep, implementing and mastering them at our couple’s retreat. If you want more information, you can go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples. Know that you are the most important person in your relationship because you are always with yourself.
How you feel, what you think, everything you say about yourself and in the relationship about your partner will be reflected in your outer reality. Everything is based on vibration and the Law of Attraction. On the next episode, we’re going to be talking about your couple’s vision. We appreciate you reading this blog. Thank you so much.