Always put in mind that you are enough, not for others but for yourself. In this eye-opening episode, Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman explain the gist of the Law of Sufficiency and Abundance in your relationships. Breaking down societal notions, they talk about not feeling enough in our relationships and why we should recenter our beliefs. Frederic and Christy then offer some great advice on how to get out of insufficiency language and into the sufficiency language to establish a wonderful shift in your life.
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We Are Good Enough: Implementing Sufficiency Language Into Our Lives
The main thing that we’re talking about is the Law of Sufficiency and Abundance in your relationships. This is one of the seven essential laws. I find it is the law to work with, to understand, to be aware of, to know because when you can master this law and you understand when you’re in a lack, when you’re not in enoughness and when you’re in abundance, it makes all the difference in the world. I want to say this, “If any part of you is ever feeling bad and you’re in thoughts that are negative, you’re in lack. If you are thinking thoughts that feel good and you feel good, you have a happy perspective, you feel expanded, you’re in abundance.” There is a spectrum. There’s a point where someone is in insufficiency, which is not enough, never feels good.
There’s that doorway into abundance, which is sufficiency where, “This is good for now.” It’s looking at the positive aspects. It’s having gratitude for what you do have. It might not be over the moon completely like, “End all be all,” but you could at least find the happiness. You could at least find the satisfaction, the contentment in what you have. You go into all-sufficiency, meaning abundance like, “This is fantastic.” This is where pure gratitude, pure joy, pure bliss, pure excitement, passion. That’s that end of the spectrum from an emotional perspective. You’ve got insufficiency, which is lack. You got right down the middle when you’re reaching that door of teeter-tottering, that tipping point, which is sufficiency and you have all-sufficiency.
Why we talk about this and why we’re going to be discussing this is because a lot of times in relationships, we come from and we’re trained most of the times in our families, in our societies, by the media, that we’re insufficient, that what we have is insufficient. We’re limited and that we don’t have what it takes. There are only a certain amount of partners to go around or there’s only so much time, attention or support that your partner can give you. When we’re coming from that place and we have that as our perspective and part of our psyche, what we do is we project that onto our partner.
Especially if we believe that our partner is there to give us everything that we are wanting. The partner has to fill out everything in our lives, has to be everything in our lives.
I remember one day having pure frustration in my head. I remember feeling so dissatisfied in my relationship. I caught myself cutting down, criticizing and judging Frederic. I was like, “What is this about?” I teach and I live on the Law of Attraction. I know how important focusing on what you want and looking at positive aspects. Why am I stuck in this place? That question is always a good question to ask. What is going on within me that I would feel so critical or I’d be so judgmental? I had this epiphany that, “It’s never enough.” I was raised like that. I remember we were in a rental house. We had started coming to Arizona for the winters. He was in the master bedroom lying in bed. I walked in and I said, “You’re never going to win.” He had a look of shock on his face.
I was also in a relationship where my mother and father got divorced. I had my own self-talk which was, “I will not be enough as a man and that the relationship will always end up where we’re going to separate.”
That was the thing is that the epiphany I came to him with was I realized most of the strong women in my family that I was around, my mom and my aunt, I would always see and experience them bitching and complaining about their husbands. They didn’t do enough. They didn’t make enough. They didn’t give them enough. They didn’t take them on enough trips. They didn’t help enough with the kids. They weren’t around enough. It was always coming from a place of never being satisfied, always from that place of insufficiency. I’m like, “If it’s true, and it is, that we are raised in the environment that we’re raised in and that we pick that up whether it’s subconsciously or unconsciously.”
I had that moment of realization. I am in this place of feeling that the role of husband, which he was playing the role of a husband as Frederic Gobeil. He was playing that role in my life. What I’m projecting as woman is he’s not enough and he’s not doing enough. He’s perfectly vibrational matching it with the Law of Attraction. His mom was never satisfied with his dad and complained he never took her out enough, never made enough, never did enough and never helped enough.
That’s the example that I had that was set for me so that I could live up to that example.
Why would he full-on play out in our relationship? Why would he completely show up? Why would he allow himself to be Frederic and be in a place of joy instead of being afraid? He was withdrawing or even half showing up. He was there, he was present, but emotionally and psychologically he wasn’t there all the time because he was afraid to be. If he was, why does it matter? He wasn’t going to be enough.
Why show all of my emotions? For me, I had a very hard time identifying the emotions that I was feeling and letting her know how I was feeling, whether it was anger, whether it was fear, sadness, joy, always even keel. I still am a little bit like that, but now more and more we get to talk and we get to experience together what we both feel inside the relationship.We can only attract the consciousness that we're in. Click To Tweet
More importantly though is you let yourself come out in the relationship so that I get to know you better. He makes me laugh all the time now. We laugh and giggle like belly laugh stuff because he’s got that sense of humor where he doesn’t say a lot, but when he does, it’s like he says these things that make me bull over. He didn’t use to do that when he was being afraid of, “Am I going to be enough? I’m not going to let myself come out.” Now that he lets himself come out in the things that he says or does, it’s like he’s more present. Therefore, I also don’t feel like I’m in this relationship alone because I’m not with just a shell of a person. I’m with someone that’s fully embodied.
That’s it. I was careful like walking on eggshells, making sure that every step was calculated and making sure that whatever I was doing was trying to be the right thing. Not have the ball drop but eventually, the ball will drop because that’s where I was focused on. I was defending against that. We can’t look at it from that role because I was coming from the role of what the husband is supposed to do.
We can only attract the consciousness that we’re in. If we’re in fear, insecure and in a place of lack or not enoughness, we are going to continue to attract more things from that level of consciousness. I like to think of it as the light comes in with full abundance. The light comes in with full success, well-being, beautiful loving and supportive relationships. We’re the projector. Whatever slide we have in our own minds, our own psyche and our own self, that’s going to be projected into the view of our lives. We’re the ones that have to align with that beautiful light coming in and understand that we are enough. Let our consciousness rise to the place of, “We are good enough.” There are more than enough opportunities. We are good enough for our partner and that our partner loves us. All of the wonderful things about ourselves that we bring to the table.
We have a friend that we connect with them as couples. The gentleman, he’s very successful. He has done well. He’s a very loving person. They’ve been married for 30 years. He’s very insecure about himself. He always feels like his wife is going to one day get up and leave him. We’ll be in the middle of a conversation. All of a sudden, he’ll get insecure about something and start making her feel bad and saying things. All of us can see it’s coming from his own insecurities. He’s being jealous when he’s got nothing to be jealous about. She is crazy over the moon for this guy. We all see it, but he doesn’t because he’s so stuck in his own insecurity.
The question you have to ask yourself is, “When is it going to be enough?” When are you going to be enough? How can you shift from being insufficient? What are you feeling you’re insufficient about? What are you looking at your partners being insufficient? How can you move over to being satisfied? One of the ways that you do make relationships work and one of the universal laws is that to create the relationship that you truly do want, you need to focus on what’s working rather than what’s not working. You need to look at the positive aspects both within yourself and of your partner. Instead of looking at what’s wrong, what could be fixed, what you’re judging or what you’re criticizing.
That can be worked on. What happens in your life? The reason why he’s feeling jealous is there something inside of him. There’s an experience that he got that he perceived either at a young age, whatever he’s got. He’s got a look at the inside layer and take care of himself. I remember once I was able to manage and take care of all of the emotions that I had around that divorce that my parents had. I never thought that it affected me, but it did. On one side, I was able to take a look at it, process it and do what I needed to do in order to release all of that energy. All of a sudden, my relationship was no longer an aspect of I’m not enough in it. I’m more than enough in my relationship. I’m willing to fight for the committed, the loving relationship that I have with Christy.
I’m coming in that day and having that big epiphany and knowing what I know that all relationships start inside of ourselves. If I am holding in the privacy of my own mind that he’s not enough. The only thing from the Law of Attraction that can happen is that he’s going to show up and not be enough. First of all, he’s going to feel it. It’s going to hit his insecurities. He’s going to show up in that way. As I was shifting that within myself, he also was shifting that within himself of both of us working on the place of me projecting that he is enough. Having that he’s not a husband, he’s Frederic and Frederic is enough. Frederic has positive aspects. One of the things that you can do in your relationship is look at all the ways that your partner does show you love.
It may be that you’re not even noticing, that maybe you’ve been taking it for granted and look at all the different ways that your partner shows up. One of the things that we do and we’ve recommended on this show before is do the 5 Love Languages from Chapman and find out what is your love language. How does your partner express love to you? Maybe it’s through gifts, acts of service or words of affirmation. Maybe it’s physical touch or maybe it’s even wanting to spend quality time with you. Your way of receiving love or even perceiving love could be very different. If you take a moment to think about your partner and all the ways that he’s showing or she’s showing love to you that you haven’t been registering because maybe it’s not your top love language. Start appreciating your partner for what they are contributing, how they are showing you love, what they are doing that is enough. Come from that place of sufficiency and you will start to see your relationship shift.
We are even doing that now with our boys at the dinner table. We’ll sit down together and we’ll say, “What do we appreciate from each other? Let’s all do one of us at a time.” Each of us lists one thing that we appreciate from that person, each one of us. That is helpful even in the space of a family, but in a relationship as well. It will make sure that you focus on something that is more positive and what you are loving from that person.
Tell yourself some positive statements. Start to shift your language. Stop saying words of insufficiency. I have the series, WatchYourWords.com. Those are words that you don’t want to say and words that you do want to say that will help shift your vibration. You’re welcome. It’s a free 30-day program of videos that you can learn more about that. How to get out of insufficiency language and get into sufficiency language. When you write positive statements and focus on what you want in the relationship and repeat it often like, “I now have this in my relationship. I now have support. I now have love. I now have connection.” You say it often enough and you feel it and you come from that place of being fulfilled with inside of yourself, you are going to start to attract it.Creating the relationship that you truly do want requires focus on what's working rather than what's not working. Click To Tweet
Everything is energy and that includes what happens between two people in a relationship. When you are being connected and fulfilled from within and you’re tending to your own places where you’re feeling insufficient, where you’re in lack, where your limits are or places that you want to close down your heart, that’s your own work to do. As you do it, as you shift it, as you move more into that space of all-sufficiency, of abundance and be able to allow yourself to live how you’re intended to be living from that place of having loving and supportive relationships, having that energy flow and being that projection of love and of high vibration, everything in your world is going to change. It’s going to absolutely give you the relationship of your dreams, I promise you.
In the next episode, we are going to be talking about how to have it all in your relationships and sometimes not just with one person. How to have it all is our next episode. We appreciate you. I appreciate you and leave us comments. You can go to ChristyWhitman.com and leave us comments on what has been sparked in you. What do you want us to learn more about? What can we help you with? If you want deeper work, you can go to ConnectedCoupling.com, fill out the form and my assistant, Beth, will get back to you. We’ll set up a time to talk and see how we can support you further in your life.
Don’t forget to share all these wonderful ideas together with your partner and engage in all these beautiful conversations together.
Remember to share all your learning and digesting.