When you really think about it, there are just a handful of things that most of us are seeking. We all desire physical vitality and mental clarity; plenty of money; creative self-expression, and loving, supportive relationships. Drama – whether it’s at work, with family, or in our intimate relationships – is the culprit that undermines this happiness.
At the root of all drama is a perception of lack. If we believe that resources like love and attention are scarce, we’ll attempt to steal them from others. When we view financial prosperity as reserved for a privileged few, we compete to get our share. And in intimate relationships, if we’re disconnected from our inherent worthiness, we can easily fall prey to jealousy or insecurity. If You’re Having Relationship Problems, It May Be Because You’re Stuck In The Karpman Drama Triangle.
Interpersonal drama abounds when our consciousness is rooted in lack. Unknowingly, people take turns playing the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. And as long as we’re identified with any of these disempowering roles, true empowerment just isn’t possible. Constantly trying to diffuse negative situations or avoid arguments is the fast-track to misery, not peace.
So what’s the antidote to this kind of low-level, unsatisfying living? It’s not possible to completely isolate ourselves from overly dramatic people, but we can learn to sidestep it.
Here are 3 steps to eliminate drama from your life, once and for all.
Step #1: Listen to your gut.
As you look around your life, notice which relationships, settings, activities and situations no longer bring you joy. Which are more of a source of stress than a source of positive expectation and eagerness?
Remember that each one of us is an energy transmitter and an energy receiver. This means that at every moment we are both broadcasting energy to those around us and receiving the energy of others. When a certain relationship or activity is no longer supporting your growth or your highest good, your gut will let you know.
Your mind may argue… “But I’ve been going to that church my whole life,” or, “I have to have a relationship with her. She’s family.” Your intellect will generate reasons and justifications, telling you things like you have to spend the holidays with your in-laws. But you’ll get far more accurate information by listening to gut instinct, or intuition, or your emotional center. Your gut is unburdened with social confections. It’s actually trying to lead you on the path toward happiness; not on the path toward making others happy.
To tune in with your gut instinct, place less emphasis on the facts, and listen more intently to your feelings. If you constantly feel worse after being with certain people, it may be time to re-evaluate how you’re spending your time.
Step #2: Give yourself permission to make a different choice.
If you’re feeling judged by someone in your life, you have the right to put some distance in that friendship. Or if a formerly favorite activity – like having drinks with the girls – leaves you feeling drained, it’s okay to pass.
Making changes that benefit yourself does not need to cause more drama. You just need to know how to go about it.
Resist the temptation to justify or explain why you’re moving on, and simply focus on what you’re moving to. Defending your position or arguing for why you’re right will only instigate more drama. It’s just not possible to make someone or something else wrong without stooping to a very low level of consciousness. So instead, emphasize what you’re moving to, not what you’re leaving behind.
Let your clubbing girlfriends know that you’re focusing more on health, or on saving money, in 2020. This places the emphasis on what you’re up to, and gives them the option to come along or not. Remember that when you close one door, dozens of other doors open. But if you don’t give yourself permission to make a change, those new possibilities may never appear.
Step #3: Uphold your own space.
Many of us derive a sense of identity from our families and social groups. This means, unfortunately, that we feel good when they approve of us, but bad when they don’t. This opens the door wide to drama, and to all of the powerlessness that comes with it.
As you think about the important roles and relationships in your life, reflect with new eyes on who you want to be. Allow yourself to let go of who you’ve been in the past, and of any conflicts you may have experienced. Instead, allow yourself to discover who you want to be, now.
Spend some time thinking about the types of practices and activities that enhance your self-esteem, and make those a part of your daily routine. What choices do you make that enhance your sense of integrity, and which diminish it? As you become responsible for upholding your own physical, emotional and psychic space, you’ll naturally repel those who are on a different wavelength.
Christy Whitman is an energy healer, celebrity coach, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance. To understand how to more deliberately co-create the life you desire, visit www.watchyourwords.com and gain access to a free 30-day video training.