Oftentimes, we experience sudden reactions which we, ourselves, find it hard to explain. These are most likely because of awakened traumatic past experiences. Pain body, which are imprints from specific life events, can often resurface and affect how we react to certain situations. Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman shed some light to the importance of identifying our pain bodies and using it to correct our relationships with our partners. With their Vice Redone Program, they can help us rediscover our love and light bodies.
Watch the episode here:
Listen to the podcast here:
Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.
Pain Body vs. Light Body
We are talking about the Pain Body versus the Love or Light Body.
It’s the sudden reactions as you can see sometimes in the way where all of a sudden we’re like, “Where did that come from?”
That’s a charge in there. We’re talking about that. I’m going to mainly talk on this episode because this is what I’ve been doing for over twenty years. As a person that’s working on myself, healing and all that, plus in the last several years, helping other people do that through coaching, healing and things like that.
Pain body is not something you hear a lot. I actually heard about it when I read one of Eckhart Tolle’s books. Our old coach/therapist/healer, Karen Wilson, would talk to me about the pain body, which I really identified with.
We Are Light Beings Carrying Our Pain Bodies
The pain body is a place where all of your imprints, all of your past emotional, physical and mental imprints happen. We carry those with us. We are light beings. We’re literally light incarnate and that’s who we are and we are divine. When we come in as a baby, we’re fresh, we’re new or more energy than we are anything where we’re this little love book.
As we have these different life experiences from the time that we’re born until the age of we are right now and of course beyond things that are unresolved, things that we don’t process come on top of us. If you’re putting mud on top of a house or if you have a balloon and you’re doing the floats and stuff. It’s called something like in the parades, I remember when I was in high school. They do the parades. You’ve got a balloon and you put stuff on it and it makes different.
It’s like putting fabric or putting something on top of something else. It’s constant putting on more and more. This is where in any relationship, it doesn’t matter if it’s an intimate relationship or it could be with your mom or it can be with your dad, your in-laws, your kids or whoever. When you have a strong emotional reaction to something, it’s because you are reacting from your pain body and not from your love body, not from your light body.
Reacting From The Pain Body Would Not Do Any Good
We had a situation and I thought it’d be really good to talk about it. It’s a mild case. It isn’t a big major thing. We were over at our friend’s house that was doing a Christmas display of lights and to leave his house, we had to turn left on a pretty major street.
As Frederic was driving, I was watching both sides and instead of asking him, “Would you like my help or assistance?” I started to rescue. I said, “You’re good here,” and he didn’t say or react or anything. I said, “You’re good. You can go.”
He in a very different way than he normally would say, “Got it. I’m good.” It was very charged in the way that he said, “I got it.” It hit me in my body. Now what I know in communication, there’s timing. Saying something back to him or reacting and responding from my pain body wouldn’t do anybody any good. I sat there, I processed my frustration with that situation, feeling that was a bit more charged than it needed to be. He could have simply said, “I got it.”
I processed my own emotions and as soon as I was done processing my emotions when we got home and he was in a receptive mode to hear me, I had said, “That didn’t feel good to me in the car. I felt that there was a bigger reaction that needed to happen.” He goes, “I’ve got to tell you, this brought up for me a situation.” Why don’t you explain the situation?
What it brought up was a charge in me that I didn’t know was there, but there was this emotional, physical trauma that was inside of me when I was in the car as a small toddler, maybe I was 6 or 7 years old. I was in the backseat of my parent’s car while my mother was trying to learn to drive and my father was on the passenger side and my father back then that’s how you would learn to drive. You would learn how to take the car with someone and go ahead, learn how to drive the car.
I’m in the car and I hear my father and we’re at an intersection and it’s a pretty busy street. There are cars coming right and left. My father is saying to my mother, “You can go. You’re good to go.” I can feel the car is not moving. It’s moving back, stop, front, stop, going. I also feel that my mother is not confident in going and crossing the street to go into her lane. My father is telling her, “You’re good to go.” My mother is like, “All right.”
She turns the car, accelerates the car, but not in time. There’s the car on the left side where actually I’m sitting on that side and I see the car coming over and it hits us. That’s what I remember. From that situation, for me, when I’m driving, I don’t want any person telling me, “You’re good to go on that side.” I want to make sure that I look at my right side and I’m seeing and I’m safe. I can turn into the lane that I want to turn into.
That’s where that charge was for me. I don’t want to be in that same situation where I caused an accident. What had happened when she told me, “You’re good to go?” I was like, “No, I got the driving, Babe.” Instead of saying to her, calmly, “I’m good. I’m going to wait until I know that I can turn and go on my way.”
Knowing what we know, when I was able to calmly process my emotions, there’s timing of when you communicate. I knew that clearly wasn’t the right time. He was charged for some reason. I needed to be within myself. I didn’t do a cutoff like, “Screw you,” get mad at him or anything. I processed what I needed to process and then I communicated after.
It was surprising to me when he said, “What this brings up for me.” I have to honor Frederic, because to have that level of awareness that he understood where that came from, that shows the growth that he’s done to understand that, “I was charged.” He didn’t go. “No.” He didn’t try to defend himself. He didn’t try to make me feel I’m crazy by saying I was wrong.
Say, “I want to drive. Let me drive the way I want to drive.” Sometimes that’s the reaction.
Be defensive. He was able to go, “This has brought up something in me.” That’s reacting from the pain body. It can seem something like that. It was pretty minor. If I didn’t have the skills that I had, that could have led into a big argument. There are other things in our relationship and I remember we told you guys about the time when the electricity went off when we were in San Diego.
Years later we were getting ready to go on a trip and he had gone out and didn’t take his phone and all of a sudden, I remember we were going to be leaving for the airport in a couple of hours. I’m sitting at home and got everything ready to go. The boys are upstairs. He went out to run an errand and all of the electricity goes off, TVs and everything.
I went, “My God.” I tried to call Frederic and his phone started ringing in the house. I’m like, “That’s two parts of pain body.” It was the pain of, “The electricity is off. Did he pay the bill?” The other one is, “I can’t get ahold of him.” Which brought up other pain situations where I needed to get ahold of him and I couldn’t because he didn’t bring his phone.
I’m sitting there in this almost anxiety, panic attack. I can’t even talk to him like, “Did he pay the bill? What’s going on?” I sat there for a couple of minutes, freaking out until my neighbor next door texts me and he goes, “Did your electricity go out too?” I was like, “Thank God.” That reaction inside of me was still, because I had unresolved issues or pain from the previous time that had happened.
The pain body is something that we learn. It’s part of, it could be emotional trauma. It could be physical trauma like Frederic was talking about. It can be emotional trauma. It’s how when we react. We’re not responding calmly when normally if I was to do that in the car and now I have an understanding that if we’re in that situation I could either ask, “Do you want my help?” “Nope. I’m good to go,” or just be quiet because he’s got the driving.
The Pain Does Not Know Space And Time
In any situation when there is a reaction, when there’s an overreaction, when there are feelings of hurt anytime you’re reaching out and you’re doing self-destructive behaviors and you have self-destructive patterns, whether it’s shopping too much, spending too much money, doing drugs, drinking too much alcohol and overeating, what I call vices. That’s what I have in my Vice Freedom Program to help people release the pain that’s causing you to reach for those things.
The pain body is something that can be healed but unfortunately, most people are walking around and they’re relating pain body to pain body instead of love body, love energy, light body to light body. When you start to release your traumas and that’s an energetic process, it’s being able to feel it, to breathe, process the energy of it, the emotions of it, and then feel what you want to feel instead open up your heart. It’s like releasing, taking all those things off the balloon, all the layers.
Eckhart Tolle describes the pain body as a cumulative entity of all our previous psychological and emotional traumas from the moment we’re born, from infancy into the present. The pain does not know space and time. Something that happened when Frederic was maybe 6 or 7 years old, it came up for him as a whoosh in that particular moment.
He’s a 49-year-old man and yet that reaction came from that little scared boy in the back of that car where this car got hit. The pain body doesn’t care if it’s been years and years or if it happened yesterday. It doesn’t care. It reacts from that place. It follows us in the moments when something similar happens and then it’s the part of us that reacts. It’s the shadow that Debbie Ford used to talk about, the shadow parts of us.
It’s the subconscious that does these things that we’re not even aware of that we’re doing or if we are aware of, we don’t know how to stop doing it. Your body of pain is again, your fears. It’s your anxieties, it’s all of your insecurities. It’s your hurts. It’s all the places where you blame other people. It’s what keeps most of us in victim consciousness or in the space of the drama triangle, which Frederic and I have been talking about on this show.
It keeps us stuck in those rules. The pain body according to Eckhart Tolle exists in two modes. It could be dormant, we don’t know that it’s happening and then all of a sudden, it could come up and that would then become active. A lot of us are walking around with dormant stuff and a situation happens and that pain body then becomes active.
Here’s the thing, in order to get rid of the pain body, don’t look for the dormant stuff. When something becomes active when it comes up, then you have tools from reading this blog, from doing couples coaching with us, from working through some of our programs, working with me personally. These are the things that when they do come up in the situation, like that came up for Frederic and I driving in a car and a simple night that we’re having a good time.
You’re able to recognize that he’s reacting from a pain point. He’s overreacting in this situation. I don’t need to take it personally because that’s what we do, his pain body reacts and then my pain body would take a personal part of me that’s insecure. Like, “Why is he being such a jerk or is he going to abandon me?” We end up getting stuck in pain body to pain body.
When you can do the daily practice and do your healings of staying in alignment with your light body, with your love body, bringing in the energy of love and light. When someone, it doesn’t matter who it is, whatever kind of relationship you’re in, someone is reacting from their lower-level self, you can be in a higher-level place and you don’t have to engage with their light bodies.
The way you break free from it is that pure awareness in the moment when you’re having it, when it’s coming up within yourself and then being able to pause, don’t judge it, don’t resist it. Don’t try to name it or describe it or anything. Just be with it. Being with it and processing the energy of it. It’s coming up because back then, the scared little boy didn’t know how to process all that fear of being in the car that got hit.
He closed down and that’s what put onto his pain body. As an adult male who has information, he was able to talk about it and release the pain of it because he was able to release the energy of it. Everything is energy.
When it comes up in the red hot moment, that’s the moment to be able to release the pain body. As you’re starting to release different parts, all of a sudden, it’s what’s left is who you really are and that’s your love body. That’s your light body, that’s beautiful, effervescent, infinite light incarnate into this physical body and that’s who we are.
That was an opportunity to get to know each other. For her to get to know me even more because that’s a story that I hadn’t shared with her and she didn’t know the reason why I reacted like that. Here’s an opportunity in a different way to come closer to each other and for her to understand what’s going on.
For me as well to be aware and understand what is going on inside of me. How come I reacted like that? Why was it strong of a reaction? Why did I push her aside? “I don’t want your help.” That was an opportunity for me to look inside and see what the cause of that reaction was.
You got to know yourself better that night and I got to know you better that night. It really is those kinds of traumas or those kinds of overreactions or there are places inside the pain body when you’re having a conscious connected coupling relationship. You can have those opportunities to have those traumas when they come up to get to know your partner better because you’re getting to know yourself better.
That’s it. Don’t make it into a conflict where, who’s right? Who’s wrong? She’s always right. Let’s take the opportunity to see what’s going on inside of us. It’s the awareness. How to be a conscious couple?
If you want more information, how to get out of the pain body, Frederic and I created a 30-day video program. It’s called From Drama to Love. You can go to FromDramaToLove.com and it literally helps you know when you’re inside the drama triangle and when you’re in the circle of love. When you’re in the drama triangle, that is where you are in your pain body.
That’s where you learned your rules in the roles. I like to call that Drama Triangle, The Lack Triangle. It’s the pain triangle. This is one level of consciousness to be able to clear up. You can go to From Drama to Love. It’s a 30-day program. It will definitely help you and your partner, either one of you or both to go through it together.
It’s incredible information and hopefully, that’s something that will help you get on your next track to be able to release part of your pain body and be able to communicate what you need and want in your relationship. In our next episode and this was a request from a friend of mine, does your partner do annoying things like eat or breathe? We’re going to talk about that in the next episode, why this is and what to do about it? Have an amazing week, everybody.
See you in the next episode.