unconditional love

Ask most people for their definition of unconditional love, and they’ll tell you that it’s about patience.  Or forgiveness.  Or tolerance.  For most, unconditional love means putting up with someone or something uncomfortable, for the simple reason that we “love” them.  Regardless of how bad a situation or interaction feels to us, if we’re unconditionally loving, we somehow have to figure out how to accept it anyway.    


But unconditional love has nothing to do with forcing ourselves to put up with intolerable people or situations.  It’s about loving ourselves and others so much that we’re willing to tend to our personal vibration apart from any circumstance we find ourselves in.   


What does it mean to love something or someone conditionally?


All of us, whether we’re aware of it or not, have been trained in the art of conditional love.  This is because we’re taught to view what happens in the world around us as the cause of the way we feel. So, when things in the outer world unfold according to our desires, we feel good.  And when things do not work the way we want, we feel bad.  


Conditional love is founded on two basic assumptions or beliefs.  The first is believing that people and things outside of ourselves have the power to make us happy. And second, that the way to ensure our happiness is to surround ourselves with only these people and things.   

The conditional love approach is, of course, fraught with problems.  Because even if we succeed at creating the conditions we think we need to be happy, we then become enslaved by those conditions.  The new boyfriend that made us so happy in the beginning?  Well, he needs constant monitoring to make sure he keeps showing up in pleasing ways.   


Conditional love assigns us the very futile and frustrating task of trying to control external conditions.  And this results in a very chaotic life experience.  Yes, we’re pleased when people behave the way we think we need them to.  But we’re equally devastated when we come face to face with the truth that we can’t really control anyone else’s actions.  


Unconditional love releases us from this bondage and puts us back in the driver’s seat of our own experience.  It literally frees us from the insanity of looking to external people and things to make us happy.  Unconditional love is the shortcut to inner happiness as well as the secret to smoother and more satisfying relationships.    


Here are 3 energy mastery steps to achieving unconditional love:    


Step 1: Take back the power over your own vibration. 


In every situation and relationship, you really only have two choices:  You can view yourself as being at the effect of other people and things, or you can see yourself as the creator of your own experience.  One choice leads to a feeling of utter powerlessness, and the other reunites you with your true source of power.


At the end of the day, we have neither the power nor the right to control the thoughts, desires or actions of other people. Likewise, we have little to no control over world events.  The only thing we have complete ownership of is our core vibration, which is how we feel deep down in the privacy of our own hearts and minds. 


So the first step to becoming unconditionally loving is to take back ownership of your own core vibration.  Tend to it as if it were your most precious resource because in truth, it is.  Maintain the buoyancy of your inner vibration like it’s a precious flame that you desire to build into a raging fire.  Don’t allow anything to dampen it.


In practical terms, this means to feed yourself a steady diet of self-affirming thoughts.  It means regularly acknowledging yourself for the amazing human being that you are.  And it requires you to care so much about how you feel that you’re willing to soothe yourself back into alignment after a troubling encounter. 


Step 2:  Declare how you desire to feel well in advance of each important situation and encounter.


A veteran sailor does not wait until the storm is upon her to prepare her ship for bad weather.  Rather, she prepares for bad weather ahead of time, therefore making her boat is seaworthy under all conditions.  In the same way, it’s wise not to wait until other people’s moods are already swirling around you to declare how you want to feel. Do this in advance, then walk into each situation with this vibration already well-established within you.  Unless you make loving yourself your first priority, you will have no chance at extending unconditional love to others.   


Step 3:  View everyone and everything in your vicinity as a cooperative component to your happiness.  


Albert Einstein said, The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.  How you choose to see life determines your experience of life.  There is truly no getting around this.    

To love unconditionally is to view everyone you come in contact with as your ally rather than your enemy.  Wherever you are, go out of your way to look for positive aspects.  Even those who are acting in complete opposition to what you desire can serve you.  Because their bad behavior helps to clarify your desire and strengthen your resolve.  


To be unconditionally loving is to have confidence in our ability to hold our own, regardless of what’s happening around us.  It’s having the resolve to maintain a vibration of stability, security, and inner peace, even when faced with another person’s angst.  This is truly the only way we can remain loving in the midst of someone else experiencing sadness or hate.   Once we know we can maintain our own clarity, equanimity, and autonomy in any situation, we are truly free.  



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Christy Whitman is an energy healer, Master Certified Law of Attraction Coach, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All: A Woman’s Guide to Unlimited Abundance.  Her latest book, The Desire Factor: How to Embrace Your Materialistic Nature to Reclaim Your Full Spiritual Power is on sale now at www.thedesirefactor.com. Christy communicates with, and for, The Quantum Council, a collection of non-physical ascended masters who desire to help humanity understand that we are divinely designed for well-being, abundance, success, and loving relationships. You can take the first step in aligning with and creating your desires by participating in a free 30-day program called Watch Your Words: Click here to learn more; www.watchyourwords.com.