Does Your Partner Do Annoying Things Like Eating or Breathing Too Loud? Why This Is And What To Do About It

Does Your Partner Do Annoying Things Like Eating or Breathing Too Loud? Why This Is And What To Do About It

 

Does your partner do some things such as eating or even breathing that totally annoys you? If he or she does, Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman can guide you through some easy ways on dealing with this situation. Holding on to resentments and pain body can be some reasons why you react towards those behaviors. The good thing is that by processing your emotions and focusing on the positives instead of the negatives, you can change the way you perceive things.

Watch the episode here:

Listen to the podcast here:

 

Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.

Does Your Partner Do Annoying Things Like Eating or Breathing Too Loud? Why This Is And What To Do About It

Does your partner do annoying things like eating, breathing? Why is this? What do we do about it? I had a girlfriend that texted me and she’s like, “I think I have misophonia,” which is the hatred of sound as a phobia with her husband. She goes, “When he eats chips, I have to leave the room because it makes my skin crawl.”

I said, “Is it with everyone and everything or is it just your husband?” She goes, “It’s just my husband.” I said, “That is not misophonia.” What it is like when you have negative emotions, negative thoughts or physical reactions. You could have that with just one person. That’s not an actual misophonia.

There’s Something That Is Bigger Inside Of You And Not Necessarily Inside Of The Relationship

What it is that there’s an issue with the other person. You’re holding onto some resentment. We talked about in the last episode, the pain body. It is a manifestation of an effect that has been happening for some time. You’re annoyed because of the fact that you haven’t released some anger, resentment or frustration. You’re not getting what you want in your relationship.

A lot of times, we start to look for what’s wrong and bad in this person because you’re with them. If they show you negative patterns or they show you some of their little quirks, when you’re in love and you just meet them, it doesn’t matter. They probably ate chips and it probably didn’t bug her.

Frederic used to do his throat noise in the beginning and I’m like, “That is weird. I’ve never heard that,” but it didn’t have an emotional charge or reaction on me. I remember while we were going through our tough times and I was having a lot of anger and resentment and I didn’t feel I was getting what I wanted in our relationship.

Annoying Things: If your partner is annoying you, it’s not a “we” thing but it is something coming inside of you which needs to be understood.

 

When he would do his throat noise, I wanted to come out of my skin, but it wasn’t the throat noise. It was because there were energy and emotions inside of me. I also remember every time I would turn the TV on, there would be golf.

That used to bug me like, “There’s the golf again.” My dear friend Arielle Ford wrote a book called Wabi Sabi Love. She talks about that it’s the imperfections in the other person that when we can look at those things and appreciate those things. After I read and had a conversation with Arielle about that, I remember now to this day because I released all the resentment and did all the healing work in our relationship.

I turned on the TV and it’s either golf or it’s Family Feud. I’m like, “My honey was there.” If I hear him doing his throat noises, I do a little dance to it. It’s like a beat. It doesn’t bother me or annoys me anymore. If what your partner’s doing that makes your skin crawl, that’s inside of you. That’s something that you have to be able to release the pain, the suffering, the frustration, the anger, whatever you’re feeling towards that person.

It’s a small annoying detail that comes up. That lets you know that there’s something that is bigger inside of you and not necessarily inside of the relationship. For me, sometimes I don’t know how to make the difference and I come to her.

I ask her, “What is the difference between this is a we moment and this is an I moment?” We as a couple moment, where we need to take a look at it or it’s a moment where I need to reflect on this because this is annoying me. I need to take a look at why it is annoying me.

In the situation of my friend where her husband’s eating chips, that’s not necessarily something that needs to be worked out with a counselor or with coaching. Let the guy eat his chips. It’s internal of why are you getting frustrated with eating your chips? We were watching Family Feud with Steve Harvey. Frederic loves that show. I’ve been watching it. I used to watch it years ago with Richard Dawson, but now he is funny.

One of the questions was, what do wives want their men to stop doing? One of them was breathing. Sometimes it’s like that, you’re breathing too loud or you’re eating chips too loud or whatever it is. If your partner is annoying you, it’s not a we thing. It’s coming inside of you. You have to understand that you have to identify the feelings inside of yourself.

Recognize that’s not something that if you would change, then I would be happy. If you would stop eating your chips that way, then I would be happy. If he stopped eating his chips that way, he would do something else that would annoy her as much. The emotions are inside of her. That behavior may trigger something inside of her because she has unresolved issues.

You have to identify the feelings within yourself first, the frustration, the anger, whatever is happening. That’s the first thing. You then have to be able to process energy. Remember, everything is energy. The good news is that energy wants to move out of your body. The pain-body is not supposed to be there. It wants to move out of you.

As you are processing the emotions and you’re feeling it and getting clear on, “What is it do I feel like I’m not getting in this relationship, that I’m not getting from my partner?” Release that first inside of yourself and then start to look for what is right and good.

What are the positive aspects of your partner? It is easy when you’re feeling angry about something, you don’t know how to process it. It’s easy to start looking at what are all the wrong and bad things? What are the things that annoy me? Once you get on that track, it’s with Law of Attraction. What you focus on will expand.

All Relationships Start Inside Of You First

Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

He could have 1,000 great qualities, but if you’re focused on all the little qualities that annoy you, that pisses you off, that is negative, where you’re not getting what you want, you’re not going to have access to all those great things. You’re not going to have access to the emotions of appreciation, gratitude, love, and all the other things that would feed the relationship.

All relationships start inside of you first. If you’re in the relationship feeling frustrated, angry, dissatisfied, feeling lack of any kind, that will and has to come out and be reflected by the behavior that your partner gives back to you.

What if you release that resentment and all of a sudden the chip-eating, the breathing, the throat tickling, or whatever television show’s on, it didn’t bother you anymore? You started looking for what’s right and good about your relationship, what’s right and good about your partner, all the ways that he or she does show up. They’re the things that you can appreciate about that person.

Start looking for what’s right and good and you’ll find more things that are right and good. When you start to look for the abundance, you’ll see more abundance in all aspects of your life. When you look for lack, you go down into a spiral because lack is from the pain-body.

The brain wants to keep you away from all the fear. What does it do? It activates the places in you where you can feel fear and it causes you to look at all the negative places. That’s why we want you to train yourself to look at what are the positive sides. They’re the things that you are grateful for in your partner, that the partner is doing or that you’re grateful for receiving or for feeling in your partner. That’s retraining the brain in the proper way.

A great process to do, I got from Abraham Hicks years ago and that I teach in the Quantum Success Coaching Academy is, “Wouldn’t it be nice?” Take your watch, your clock, stopwatch, whatever it is, and for 68 seconds because that’s how long it takes to shift the vibration of Law of Attraction to start giving you something else.

It’s 17 seconds to shift of vibration, 68 seconds to start shifting the attraction when you start manifesting and for 68 seconds say, “Wouldn’t it be nice? Wouldn’t it be nice if I could be back in love with my partner? Wouldn’t it be nice that I could sit in a room and appreciate him as he’s eating? Wouldn’t it be nice if I could appreciate the things that he likes to do? Wouldn’t it be nice if I felt appreciated? Wouldn’t it be nice if I got what I wanted in my relationship?”

Keep saying, “Wouldn’t it be nice?” Any place that you feel like, “Wouldn’t it be nice? Yeah, right. That’s going to happen.” That’s the pain point. That’s a place within yourself that you need to release because that’s what you’re holding onto. Any place you’re going, “Wouldn’t it be nice?” and your mind is like, “Yeah, right. That’s never going to happen.”

Those are the places you need to examine because that’s within you. That’s not a we couple thing. That’s a you thing. That’s what I do in my coaching with couples individually, with doing healing work with the Quantum Council of Light. You can go to ChristyWhitman.com to get more information. You can always email Beth@ChristyWhitman.com to learn about how to do some sessions, some individual healing sessions with the council, myself and be able to shift from the inside.

I’ve seen in all the years I’ve been a coach, as the person shifts their own energy inside, all of their relationships shift. It always starts inside of you first because you do. You start the creation of every relationship.

If you expect loving and supportive relationships in all aspects of your life and that’s what you are divinely designed for. It’s what all of us are divinely designed for, to have mutual love and support in all relationships. That’s what you focus on and that’s what you expect. That’s what you will receive.

Learn to recognize what’s inside of you. What are the buttons that are being pushed when you’re reacting a certain way or you’re feeling a certain way? Where does that come from?

In the next episode, we are going to be talking about what is the worst advice you have ever received in your relationship. I appreciate you. Thank you for reading.

See you in the next episode.

 

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Pain Body vs. Light Body

 

Oftentimes, we experience sudden reactions which we, ourselves, find it hard to explain. These are most likely because of awakened traumatic past experiences. Pain body, which are imprints from specific life events, can often resurface and affect how we react to certain situations. Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman shed some light to the importance of identifying our pain bodies and using it to correct our relationships with our partners. With their Vice Redone Program, they can help us rediscover our love and light bodies.

Watch the episode here:

Listen to the podcast here:

 

Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.

Pain Body vs. Light Body

We are talking about the Pain Body versus the Love or Light Body.

It’s the sudden reactions as you can see sometimes in the way where all of a sudden we’re like, “Where did that come from?”

That’s a charge in there. We’re talking about that. I’m going to mainly talk on this episode because this is what I’ve been doing for over twenty years. As a person that’s working on myself, healing and all that, plus in the last several years, helping other people do that through coaching, healing and things like that.

Pain body is not something you hear a lot. I actually heard about it when I read one of Eckhart Tolle’s books. Our old coach/therapist/healer, Karen Wilson, would talk to me about the pain body, which I really identified with.

We Are Light Beings Carrying Our Pain Bodies

The pain body is a place where all of your imprints, all of your past emotional, physical and mental imprints happen. We carry those with us. We are light beings. We’re literally light incarnate and that’s who we are and we are divine. When we come in as a baby, we’re fresh, we’re new or more energy than we are anything where we’re this little love book.

As we have these different life experiences from the time that we’re born until the age of we are right now and of course beyond things that are unresolved, things that we don’t process come on top of us. If you’re putting mud on top of a house or if you have a balloon and you’re doing the floats and stuff. It’s called something like in the parades, I remember when I was in high school. They do the parades. You’ve got a balloon and you put stuff on it and it makes different.

It’s like putting fabric or putting something on top of something else. It’s constant putting on more and more. This is where in any relationship, it doesn’t matter if it’s an intimate relationship or it could be with your mom or it can be with your dad, your in-laws, your kids or whoever. When you have a strong emotional reaction to something, it’s because you are reacting from your pain body and not from your love body, not from your light body.

Reacting From The Pain Body Would Not Do Any Good

We had a situation and I thought it’d be really good to talk about it. It’s a mild case. It isn’t a big major thing. We were over at our friend’s house that was doing a Christmas display of lights and to leave his house, we had to turn left on a pretty major street.

As Frederic was driving, I was watching both sides and instead of asking him, “Would you like my help or assistance?” I started to rescue. I said, “You’re good here,” and he didn’t say or react or anything. I said, “You’re good. You can go.”

He in a very different way than he normally would say, “Got it. I’m good.” It was very charged in the way that he said, “I got it.” It hit me in my body. Now what I know in communication, there’s timing. Saying something back to him or reacting and responding from my pain body wouldn’t do anybody any good. I sat there, I processed my frustration with that situation, feeling that was a bit more charged than it needed to be. He could have simply said, “I got it.”

I processed my own emotions and as soon as I was done processing my emotions when we got home and he was in a receptive mode to hear me, I had said, “That didn’t feel good to me in the car. I felt that there was a bigger reaction that needed to happen.” He goes, “I’ve got to tell you, this brought up for me a situation.” Why don’t you explain the situation?

What it brought up was a charge in me that I didn’t know was there, but there was this emotional, physical trauma that was inside of me when I was in the car as a small toddler, maybe I was 6 or 7 years old. I was in the backseat of my parent’s car while my mother was trying to learn to drive and my father was on the passenger side and my father back then that’s how you would learn to drive. You would learn how to take the car with someone and go ahead, learn how to drive the car.

I’m in the car and I hear my father and we’re at an intersection and it’s a pretty busy street. There are cars coming right and left. My father is saying to my mother, “You can go. You’re good to go.” I can feel the car is not moving. It’s moving back, stop, front, stop, going. I also feel that my mother is not confident in going and crossing the street to go into her lane. My father is telling her, “You’re good to go.” My mother is like, “All right.”

Pain Body: Pain body is where all past emotional, physical, and mental imprints happen.

 

She turns the car, accelerates the car, but not in time. There’s the car on the left side where actually I’m sitting on that side and I see the car coming over and it hits us. That’s what I remember. From that situation, for me, when I’m driving, I don’t want any person telling me, “You’re good to go on that side.” I want to make sure that I look at my right side and I’m seeing and I’m safe. I can turn into the lane that I want to turn into.

That’s where that charge was for me. I don’t want to be in that same situation where I caused an accident. What had happened when she told me, “You’re good to go?” I was like, “No, I got the driving, Babe.” Instead of saying to her, calmly, “I’m good. I’m going to wait until I know that I can turn and go on my way.”

Knowing what we know, when I was able to calmly process my emotions, there’s timing of when you communicate. I knew that clearly wasn’t the right time. He was charged for some reason. I needed to be within myself. I didn’t do a cutoff like, “Screw you,” get mad at him or anything. I processed what I needed to process and then I communicated after.

It was surprising to me when he said, “What this brings up for me.” I have to honor Frederic, because to have that level of awareness that he understood where that came from, that shows the growth that he’s done to understand that, “I was charged.” He didn’t go. “No.” He didn’t try to defend himself. He didn’t try to make me feel I’m crazy by saying I was wrong.

Say, “I want to drive. Let me drive the way I want to drive.” Sometimes that’s the reaction.

Be defensive. He was able to go, “This has brought up something in me.” That’s reacting from the pain body. It can seem something like that. It was pretty minor. If I didn’t have the skills that I had, that could have led into a big argument. There are other things in our relationship and I remember we told you guys about the time when the electricity went off when we were in San Diego.

Years later we were getting ready to go on a trip and he had gone out and didn’t take his phone and all of a sudden, I remember we were going to be leaving for the airport in a couple of hours. I’m sitting at home and got everything ready to go. The boys are upstairs. He went out to run an errand and all of the electricity goes off, TVs and everything.

I went, “My God.” I tried to call Frederic and his phone started ringing in the house. I’m like, “That’s two parts of pain body.” It was the pain of, “The electricity is off. Did he pay the bill?” The other one is, “I can’t get ahold of him.” Which brought up other pain situations where I needed to get ahold of him and I couldn’t because he didn’t bring his phone.

I’m sitting there in this almost anxiety, panic attack. I can’t even talk to him like, “Did he pay the bill? What’s going on?” I sat there for a couple of minutes, freaking out until my neighbor next door texts me and he goes, “Did your electricity go out too?” I was like, “Thank God.” That reaction inside of me was still, because I had unresolved issues or pain from the previous time that had happened.

The pain body is something that we learn. It’s part of, it could be emotional trauma. It could be physical trauma like Frederic was talking about. It can be emotional trauma. It’s how when we react. We’re not responding calmly when normally if I was to do that in the car and now I have an understanding that if we’re in that situation I could either ask, “Do you want my help?” “Nope. I’m good to go,” or just be quiet because he’s got the driving.

The Pain Does Not Know Space And Time

In any situation when there is a reaction, when there’s an overreaction, when there are feelings of hurt anytime you’re reaching out and you’re doing self-destructive behaviors and you have self-destructive patterns, whether it’s shopping too much, spending too much money, doing drugs, drinking too much alcohol and overeating, what I call vices. That’s what I have in my Vice Freedom Program to help people release the pain that’s causing you to reach for those things.

The pain body is something that can be healed but unfortunately, most people are walking around and they’re relating pain body to pain body instead of love body, love energy, light body to light body. When you start to release your traumas and that’s an energetic process, it’s being able to feel it, to breathe, process the energy of it, the emotions of it, and then feel what you want to feel instead open up your heart. It’s like releasing, taking all those things off the balloon, all the layers.

Eckhart Tolle describes the pain body as a cumulative entity of all our previous psychological and emotional traumas from the moment we’re born, from infancy into the present. The pain does not know space and time. Something that happened when Frederic was maybe 6 or 7 years old, it came up for him as a whoosh in that particular moment.

He’s a 49-year-old man and yet that reaction came from that little scared boy in the back of that car where this car got hit. The pain body doesn’t care if it’s been years and years or if it happened yesterday. It doesn’t care. It reacts from that place. It follows us in the moments when something similar happens and then it’s the part of us that reacts. It’s the shadow that Debbie Ford used to talk about, the shadow parts of us.

It’s the subconscious that does these things that we’re not even aware of that we’re doing or if we are aware of, we don’t know how to stop doing it. Your body of pain is again, your fears. It’s your anxieties, it’s all of your insecurities. It’s your hurts. It’s all the places where you blame other people. It’s what keeps most of us in victim consciousness or in the space of the drama triangle, which Frederic and I have been talking about on this show.

Pain Body: The pain body is a cumulative entity of all our previous psychological and emotional traumas from the moment we’re born, from infancy, into the present.

 

It keeps us stuck in those rules. The pain body according to Eckhart Tolle exists in two modes. It could be dormant, we don’t know that it’s happening and then all of a sudden, it could come up and that would then become active. A lot of us are walking around with dormant stuff and a situation happens and that pain body then becomes active.

Here’s the thing, in order to get rid of the pain body, don’t look for the dormant stuff. When something becomes active when it comes up, then you have tools from reading this blog, from doing couples coaching with us, from working through some of our programs, working with me personally. These are the things that when they do come up in the situation, like that came up for Frederic and I driving in a car and a simple night that we’re having a good time.

You’re able to recognize that he’s reacting from a pain point. He’s overreacting in this situation. I don’t need to take it personally because that’s what we do, his pain body reacts and then my pain body would take a personal part of me that’s insecure. Like, “Why is he being such a jerk or is he going to abandon me?” We end up getting stuck in pain body to pain body.

When you can do the daily practice and do your healings of staying in alignment with your light body, with your love body, bringing in the energy of love and light. When someone, it doesn’t matter who it is, whatever kind of relationship you’re in, someone is reacting from their lower-level self, you can be in a higher-level place and you don’t have to engage with their light bodies.

The way you break free from it is that pure awareness in the moment when you’re having it, when it’s coming up within yourself and then being able to pause, don’t judge it, don’t resist it. Don’t try to name it or describe it or anything. Just be with it. Being with it and processing the energy of it. It’s coming up because back then, the scared little boy didn’t know how to process all that fear of being in the car that got hit.

He closed down and that’s what put onto his pain body. As an adult male who has information, he was able to talk about it and release the pain of it because he was able to release the energy of it. Everything is energy.

When it comes up in the red hot moment, that’s the moment to be able to release the pain body. As you’re starting to release different parts, all of a sudden, it’s what’s left is who you really are and that’s your love body. That’s your light body, that’s beautiful, effervescent, infinite light incarnate into this physical body and that’s who we are.

That was an opportunity to get to know each other. For her to get to know me even more because that’s a story that I hadn’t shared with her and she didn’t know the reason why I reacted like that. Here’s an opportunity in a different way to come closer to each other and for her to understand what’s going on.

For me as well to be aware and understand what is going on inside of me. How come I reacted like that? Why was it strong of a reaction? Why did I push her aside? “I don’t want your help.” That was an opportunity for me to look inside and see what the cause of that reaction was.

You got to know yourself better that night and I got to know you better that night. It really is those kinds of traumas or those kinds of overreactions or there are places inside the pain body when you’re having a conscious connected coupling relationship. You can have those opportunities to have those traumas when they come up to get to know your partner better because you’re getting to know yourself better. 

That’s it. Don’t make it into a conflict where, who’s right? Who’s wrong? She’s always right. Let’s take the opportunity to see what’s going on inside of us. It’s the awareness. How to be a conscious couple?

If you want more information, how to get out of the pain body, Frederic and I created a 30-day video program. It’s called From Drama to Love. You can go to FromDramaToLove.com and it literally helps you know when you’re inside the drama triangle and when you’re in the circle of love. When you’re in the drama triangle, that is where you are in your pain body.

That’s where you learned your rules in the roles. I like to call that Drama Triangle, The Lack Triangle. It’s the pain triangle. This is one level of consciousness to be able to clear up. You can go to From Drama to Love. It’s a 30-day program. It will definitely help you and your partner, either one of you or both to go through it together.

It’s incredible information and hopefully, that’s something that will help you get on your next track to be able to release part of your pain body and be able to communicate what you need and want in your relationship. In our next episode and this was a request from a friend of mine, does your partner do annoying things like eat or breathe? We’re going to talk about that in the next episode, why this is and what to do about it? Have an amazing week, everybody.

See you in the next episode.

 

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Using Your What Ifs To Your Advantage

 

What if I can’t make my relationship better? What if things completely stay the same? What if things don’t improve? We have all these what-ifs in our life, and a lot of times, we’re so focused on what we don’t want or what we’re fearing in our relationships. Your what-ifs don’t have all the right answers, and you can actually change your what-ifs to what you do want. Start using your what-ifs to your advantage as Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman teach us how to start looking at our what-ifs towards what we desire and what we want instead of what we don’t.

Watch the episode here:

Listen to the podcast here:

 

Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.

Using Your What Ifs To Your Advantage

What if I invest all that money and it’s not worth it? 

What if I asked for what I want and I don’t get it?

All these what ifs. 

Let’s use what if to our advantage. We are talking about what if now. A lot of times, in our heads, we think, “What if I want to go on a couple retreat? I asked my husband and he says he doesn’t want to go. What if you ask him and he says he does want to go? What if I share how I do feel and I’m not heard? What if I go into couples coaching with him and nothing changes?

What if the relationship ends? What if I can’t make my relationship better? What if things completely stay the same? What if things don’t improve?” A lot of times, we’re so focused on what we don’t want or what we’re fearing in our relationships. Fear is driving our what ifs.

Your What-Ifs Don’t Have All The Right Answers

Your what ifs don’t have all the right answers. 

What if you change your what ifs to what you do want? We can either go 1 of 2 ways. We could go, “What if?” and then think of all the things that we don’t want, all the things that could go wrong, all the things that we fear.

All the places that we’re going to be disappointed, we’re not going to have what we want. We can pivot and say, “What if?” Think about our desires. What if your desire came true? What if you invested in the relationship, whether it was time, money, energy and it improved? What if you started dreaming about the places that you wanted to travel? What if you got to create the money to go on those vacations or created the time to do it?

It’s time to start looking at your what ifs towards what you desire and what you want instead of what you don’t. A lot of times in our heads, we think about the what ifs and they’re usually not what we want to ponder. Remember the Law of Attraction, what you focus on expands. What you’re pitting your focus, attention, mindset, thoughts, beliefs, words, actions, all of that matters because all of it is vibration.

You are a vibrational being in a vibrational universe. As you start to catch yourself silently saying to yourself, “What if?” change it to, ”What if my dreams came true? What if I had everything I want? What if I had the most intimate loving relationship with my partner?”

“What if I had all the possibilities in any aspect of my life?” Our brain keeps us in the fear of the what ifs. If you recognize, “This is my brain that’s keeping me in the fear space of what if I can’t have that? What if there’s the possibility of looking at if you can have that?” That’s where you need to do the work. 

We are giving you a little challenge to look at places to be mindful, connected enough with yourself inside of yourself, to think about the what ifs. What have you been what if-ing inside of your own head? What have you been what if-ing about your partner that you don’t even know? A lot of times, we make assumptions. What if I bring this to him and he won’t be receptive? What if he is or what if she is?

What Ifs: Fear is driving our what-ifs. A lot of times we’re so focused on what we don’t want or what we’re fearing in our relationships.

 

Think about what are the things that you’ve been censoring yourself or not expressing yourself in the way you want to and not asking for what you want because you feel you’re going to be rejected because your mind is telling you that what if is going to be a bad thing or there’s something to fear? It’s not going to turn out the way you want. Look at that. Think about those things. Be mindful of that and then as you think of them, shift it to, “What if it turned out better than I could have imagined?”

That’s a question you want to ask yourself if you hear yourself going down that road of, “What if he rejects me?” “What if I tell him who I am and express who I am and he accepts me more love than I’ve ever been? I’m more understood that I’ve ever been.” What if that happens?

Start Changing Your What-Ifs Inside Of Yourself

Start changing your what ifs inside of yourself. As you change your relationship to your what ifs inside of yourself, you’re changing your relationship to everything outside because everything is a direct reflection of what’s going on inside you. That even means those silent conversations that you had yourself that you don’t even tell your best friend about.

It’s the what if’s inside as you are pivoting because everything’s energy. As you’re pivoting that energy to possibilities, potentiality, desires, dreams, goal fulfillment, to the things that you would absolutely love in all aspects of your life, to truly having it all. Start to spend more time thinking about those what if’s.

That’s how you become in the space of creativity. When you’re staying in the space of the what if with all the possibilities, all of what you desire, you become more creative. You then see all of the beautiful aspects of your life that can work, that can be positive for you, that can be beneficial.

That’s true because when you’re in the what if of the positivity, you’re in abundance and you’re aligned. The divine partner that you have, your true-life partner that you have is always looking for growth, expansion. What can we put our hands into and play with? What can we desire and create together? The divine is a creator and it creates through you as an individual container.

When you were in the what if and you’re saying, “What if that doesn’t work out?” your divine self doesn’t think that way. You’re now misaligned. You’re detached from your creative mind, from your divine connection. Spoke when you shift and you’re saying, “What if it worked out better? What if it was fun? What if I receive love? What if I got what I wanted?”

Now, you’re in alignment with your divine self and that energy is flowing towards what you do want. You’re not creating what you don’t want. You’re feeling even more alive because you’re connected with the greater part of who you are. Watch your what if’s. They are hugely important.

Here’s an exercise for you to take away. It takes seventeen seconds to shift the vibration based on Abraham Hicks’ research and takes 68 seconds for the Law of Attraction to shift, to kick in and start giving you a very different vibration. Take your phone out. You are going to say what you want for 68 seconds and you’re going to say all the what ifs towards the positives.

Think of all the things that you would want and more, and you’re going to be surprised what else comes out. What if we went on that amazing vacation to New Zealand? What if we went on another amazing cruise with the kids? What if we took them out of school for a couple of weeks?

What if we went to Bali? What if we went to Austria and climbed the hill that Julie Andrews sang the sound of music on top of that mountain? What if we got to see where the whole thing was filmed in that cemetery? What if we became even more successful than we’ve ever wanted and we got to build a house in silver leaf? What if my mom and dad lived forever?

What if our kids were going to listen to us every time that we ask them to do without any question? 

What Ifs: It’s time to start looking at your what-if’s towards what you desire and what you want instead of what you don’t.

 

What if we could have peace and harmony in our life and all of our relationships? What if things always turned out the way we wanted them to? That’s it. Did you do your what if’s? How do you feel? You can’t spend 68 seconds thinking about what you want and how great it would feel and feel bad. If you spend 68 seconds thinking about all the things that could go wrong, you will feel bad. It’s your choice. If you do this every single day for at least 68 seconds, that’s a minute and eight seconds.

That’s not a lot. We’re supposed to brush our teeth longer than that, for two minutes. 

What if you set a timer and you did that morning, afternoon and evening? You revved up your energy by talking about the possibilities, the what if’s in your life and your relationship. What do you think your relationship would do?

What do you think your life would be like? Let yourself be surprised by the outcome in your life. That’s often people need to control what’s going on. Control that fear but let yourself be surprised. Let yourself be engaged into what the universe has to offer it to you.

You have to be a vibrational match to be on that level of surprise and delight in order to receive it. Doing this exercise will help you mean the vibrational place with that. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. We are going to be talking about something that’s important subject and that’s the pain body versus the light body. We have a couple more spots left for the couples retreat in February.

If you are interested in deepening your connection with your partner, taking some time, intimate time in a beautiful place in carefree Arizona, we suggest you go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples.

We hope that you appreciated the what if-ing, the new word that came up out of Christy’s dictionary.

 

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Fighting Relationship Distractions

 

In our relationship with our partner, especially when we are already married and have children, distractions arise that could take in the form of work, entertainment, or even our kids. Taking care of our relationships is important, and we have to know how to make some time for our partners if we want to keep the relationship healthy. In this episode, hosts Frederic Gobeil and Christy Whitman shares some tips for fighting relationship distractions. Listen to this episode to learn what these are so you can avoid doing things that may hamper your relationship.

Watch the episode here:

 

Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.

Fighting Relationship Distractions

We are talking about distractions because in this day and age, there are lots of distractions in a relationship. For example, if you have kids, we’re trying to have a conversation and the kids come in, that’s distracting. There are a lot of things that distract us these days, even the phone if you’re sitting with your partner. We’ve seen couples at nice dinners, both of them are having dinner together and they’re both on their phones.

We took a picture of an outing that we both did. We decided to take each of our phones out so that we could recreate that scene of new couples these days. That’s what we see with some of the couples that have their phones. They’re together and sitting in front of each other and each of them has their phones in hands. They’re looking at their phone. It’s really funny.

It’s hard to sit there and talk about your intentions for the day and what your vision is for putting up Christmas trees or sleepovers or vacations or what you’re going to do with the money, all these things that help you connect and get to know each other or how you’re feeling and what’s coming up for you when both of you are on your phones.

One night, he was watching a hockey game and I was sitting there talking to him and he goes, “What did you say?” I go, “Are you with me?” He’s like, “I’m distracted by the game.” There are things in life that is distracting, whether it’s work or family members, the kids, the dogs. Now we have a puppy with the kids. There are many different things we’re going to talk about. You’ve got your phones and TVs that can distract.

You’ve got the bills that you need to pay every month. That could be a distraction.

All Things That Pull You Away From Your Partner Are Distractions

You’ve got the responsibilities, the household upkeep, the laundry, mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow depending on where you live. You’ve got family and friends and the drama that can happen with that. You’ve got your health and well-being if you go work out. All these things are parts of life. All of them, if you think about it, can be things that pull you away from your partner or be distractions.

How do you fix that? What do you do? Even having your computer around. He could be on his computer sometimes doing the investment stuff and I’m like, “Hon.” He’s like, “I’m not with you.” It’s important to understand that you need to take quality time together. If you are spending time together, turn off the TV or at least watch something that you want to watch together.

During the commercial, we’ll mute the TV and chat. It’s funny, if we’re watching a show and he starts talking while the show is going on, I’m like, “You’re the distraction now,” because I don’t want to hear you. I’m trying to watch the movie. Pause the thing and turn to each other.

She tells me I’m distracted with me watching my hockey game. I wonder who distracts who. All that is to say that all these distractions pull our attention away. What we want to do is pull our attention back to ourselves and be in the present moment with yourself first and then your partner. You’ll be able to be with your partner and then engage in communication and talk about what you need to talk.

Set Boundaries And Create More Intimacy  By Being Focused And Present With Your Partner

We’ve talked on the other shows about boundaries. These are ways of also putting up boundaries. It’s the timing of things when you talk. If you have a conversation you want to have with your partner, not having it where the TV’s on or text messages are coming through or the kids are up. A lot of times, we’ll wait until the kids go to sleep because we know that’s a distraction. It’s not that we’re calling our kids a distraction, but they can distract. That does happen.

Fighting Relationship Distractions: Continue to feed your relationship by not letting all of the possible distractions happen.

 

I was taking the kids to a place called Yogurtology here in Scottsdale. I was with the boys and this mom was walking in. She has her husband and her two kids and she goes, “My head is going to explode.” I go, “I don’t want to see that.” She goes, “They’re all talking to me at the same time.”

I said, “AJ’s,” which is a local grocery store, “They make you take a number. Tell them to take a number because they can’t talk to you all at once.” She goes, “That’s a good idea. You’re all going to have to take a number.” We were joking around as moms but even as a mom, you’re in your own thought. I remember if I had to pack or plan for something and the kids would come in, that distraction pulls you away from your focus.

You’ve got to set yourself up for success that when you’re wanting to have an intimate conversation, kids are asleep, the TV is turned off, the computer is away and the phone is put aside. When you go into dinner together, don’t take your phones out. Sit there and have a conversation with each other. Talk about what your visions are. Talk about what you’re excited about. Talk about the places that you dream and desire, where you want to go, what you’d like to experience and all of these different things.

Create that intimacy with each other. What you want in a relationship is create more intimacy. Create that space where you’re not at work because sometimes we allow ourselves to do what we do at work. At work, you tend to take 2 to 3 things at the same time. There are a lot of distractions there too.

What happens is when you bring it home, when you bring it to your partner, then it’s time to be present with your partner. I’m not saying that you can’t be focused at work. It is good to be focused at work with one thing that you need to do at a time but in your relationship, it’s important if you want to create more intimacy to be focused and be present with your partner.

You want to set aside time and here’s the thing. It’s not like, “We’ll find the time.” You’re never going to find the time. We all have 24 hours a day and seven days a week. We don’t find space and time. We make time. If you’re wanting to go to the gym, you can’t just, “When I find the time.” You’re never going to find the time. There’s going to be always something else that fills up that time.

It’s up for you to declare, “Going to the gym four days a week is important for me. I’m going to schedule it in as a very important appointment.” Similarly, if we’re important in our relationship, let’s make the time to be alone this week. Whether it’s going into a nice dinner or a movie or talking about something we need to talk about something’s coming up, whether it’s a vacation or how we’re going to plan the holidays or whatever it is.

Go on a walk together and just talking during the walk.

Carve out that time and make yourself a priority. That’s how you will continue to feed that relationship and not let all of the possible distractions happen. Especially around the holidays, there are a lot more distractions. You’ve got Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving dinners, Halloween and all these things that could be a huge distraction. You need to dedicate your time and put that time aside and make yourself a priority.

Create the environment of intimacy so that you’re being able to be with your partner and hear your partner so that the TV’s not going on and you’ve got one ear on the TV and one ear on her or him. It’s like what happened with the hockey game. He was listening to me but then he was like, “What?” I could have said, “My hair is on fire,” and he would have gone, “What did you say?”

Fighting Relationship Distractions: Create an environment of intimacy so that you’re able to be with your partner and really hear him or her out.

 

I would have caught fire. That’s what happened there. I got a couple of words here and there and that’s a good example of what not hearing and not listening properly is all about. I’m not listening to the sentence and even the energy behind what she was telling me. That’s being distracted.

What I could do on my part is to say, “Is this a good time to talk?” I somehow say, “Are you into this game?” He’s like, “Yeah, it’s the third period and Montreal is up by one,” whatever the sports stuff is going on. It’s a crucial point in the game which I may not be aware of but he is. His full attention is on this nail-biting game.

It’s up to me to say to him, “Is this a good time to talk to you about something?” He might say, “No, give me five minutes. The game’s almost over.” That’s his boundary. I’m respecting his boundary because I know if I’d come and sit down and say, “My hair is on fire,” he’s not going to hear me. He’s not going to pay attention. He’s going to pretend to pay attention, but he’s really not going to be hearing me. We have to ask, “Is this a good timing?”

That’s what creating the surrounding that makes it timely to speak with one another.

I hope this has been helpful to you. Don’t let things distract your relationship and your love. Think about what are the things that distract you and what can you do about them? What are the solutions so that you can carve out that time and that intimacy with your partner? In our next episode, we’re going to be talking about what-if. If you want more information, you can go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples or you can go to ConnectedCoupling.com.

Don’t forget to let your partner watch his or her TV show without being the distraction.

 

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Communicating Your Priorities In A Relationship

 

In order to build a healthy, lasting relationship, you, as a couple, need to be able to envision your future together. A huge part of that envisioning process is learning the art of communicating priorities. Christy Whitman and Frederic Gobeil get down to brass tacks about one of the essential skills in any relationship. A lack of alignment can be disastrous to any relationship in the long run. Learn how to properly communicate these priorities—no matter how differently either of you feels.

Watch the episode here:

Listen to the podcast here:

 

Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.

Communicating Your Priorities In A Relationship

“I know what I want in life.”

“Would you like to share it with me?”

“Yes, because we’re a couple.”

“Thank you.”

This conversation that we gave you as an example is an important part of a relationship. When you think about it, there are many different aspects of a relationship. You’ve got yourselves and what each person wants to experience in their travel and leisure, what they want to do with the money if you’re a spender, if you’re a saver, if you have kids.

When you have kids in a relationship, it’s very different than if you’re a couple and have an animal. You might have kids and an animal or whether you have an animal or you’re by yourselves, depending on the configuration of your relationship. There’s also what do you do with the extended family, his side, your side, my side, all of that.

Where do you want to spend your vacations or your time off? If you get a limited amount of time off during a year for vacations, where do you want to spend it? What do you want to be doing? Do you want to go camping or do you want to go to a five-star luxury hotel in Bali?

These things are important so that both people are together moving in the same direction. You’re also doing it as a couple so that both of you get your own individual needs met and what you desire in your life, but you’re sharing it together. That’s what we’re going to be talking about is your couple’s vision.

Establish Where Your Vision Is In A Relationship

The point is you have to determine what your vision is. A lot of it, like in business, you need to establish your action plan of where you’re going and where your vision is. In a relationship, the same thing applies. I know that we do it often. Every year at least we sit down together and we look at what’s our vision together or how do we want to see us as a couple in the coming year.

What are the mementos that we want to feel? What are the vacations that we want to go to? What are the things that we want to do together? In every aspect of our relationship as well, we try to look at all of these and determine where do we each go as a couple and also what is the vision individually as well.

You got it on a macro level like what do you want for your life? You can then bring it to a micro-level. When you know these things and you can plan for, “Here’s our vision. If something doesn’t go the way we want, what are our choices?”

I’ll give you an example. Around the time of Thanksgiving, the boys were going to be at their school doing a turkey trot, where they run a mile and they compete with the boys that are in their grade. Both our boys won which is cool. For me, I took the morning off because I wanted to see them participate in this turkey trot.

It was important and yet at the same time, the school had told me we are going to be done with it by [10:30]. I scheduled things at [11:00] figuring travel time to get back home. We’ve got to bring our dog, Jackson, to his groomers and I had a team meeting.

I had told Frederic in the morning, “Here’s the vision for the day. We need to be done and in the car by [10:30].” He’s like, “What if that doesn’t happen? What’s the priority?” For example, if it runs longer and we’re going to be late to bring Jackson to the grooming appointment, can we change the appointment?

What are our options? What are the things that we are willing to do in order to make sure that we’re not in a stressful place at [11:00] and we’re not in a place of like, “We need to leave?” What can we do in order to call someone and to say, “Can we push an appointment back? Can we delay it or postpone it?” or whatever we need to do.

The point was, what’s the priority? If we get to [10:30] and the boys haven’t run yet, what’s the priority? Is it seeing them run or bringing the dog to the groomers or can you call the team if you’re going to be a bit late? The priority was to see the boys do their run.

Because we had that, even though it was on a micro-level for that short period of time of that segment of our day, we were able to talk about clearly that seeing the boys run is the priority for both of us. If it goes longer, everything else needs to get pushed aside, adjusted or corrected or whatever we need to do because that’s the vision.

Having those conversations as we go in our day-to-day helps us stay communicated. We have one of the boys’ friends spending the night on a Saturday. We’ve talked about it together and as a family, what’s the vision? What are we going to do with Bennett? What are we going to do when it’s time to go to sleep? Where are they going to sleep?

We have all these different things that we talk about. We can adjust and be in the moment and have flow and freedom come into. We have a vision that they’re not going to be up until [3:00] or [4:00] in the morning. It’s not going to happen. If it is, they’re going to be in the room quiet because I will be cranky if I don’t get sleep.

We’ve talked about these things as our macro vision, but we also have our big vision like where do we want to go? What places do we want to go and see next? What do we want to do with money and situations with money? What do we want to do with our family? How much time is good to spend doing leisurely things together and also him playing golf and me being with my girlfriends and things like that?

Where do we want to live? Do we want to live in an area where there’s more water? Do we want to live in an area where it’s beautiful in the wintertime like Arizona where there’s no winter, but we have to deal with the heat in the summertime? What are our living situations with our house? What type of house do we want to be living into? It’s all these things.

What happens is we get to communicate with each other. We also get to hear out, understand each other and get to know each other. That’s how you become more intimate with each other. In these types of conversation, you get to know more and more of what’s going on with your partner.

Communicating Priorities: Having conversations about day-to-day priorities is what’ll help those in relationships stay communicated.

 

Contrast Gives Way To A Beautiful Conversation

There are two ways of doing this. Contrast, meaning what you don’t want. A situation or maybe a drama with a family member or something doesn’t go as smoothly as you want it to. Maybe it is too stressful.

Even the holidays, we’ve talked about what are our visions for the holidays. One year I was like, “I’m done with doing the big, huge, extended cousins and family. I want it to be intimate.” He’s like, “I’d love that too.” That’s what we’re designing for our holidays, to be able to have it be intimate, uncles, my mom and dad, my family, our kids and that’s it.

Contrast what doesn’t feel good or what we don’t want gives way to a beautiful conversation. Most people stay stuck in contrast and they have arguments over the contrast. They stay focused on the problem. Instead, if you can pivot away from the problems and say, “This is what we clearly don’t want anymore. What do we want? What would feel good to us?”

That’s where the different layers of what we teach here and what we do in our couple’s retreats and in our couple’s coaching, that’s where all of that comes. Once you say, “I’d rather do a smaller family holiday or Christmas,” then you’re going to have to set boundaries with the larger part of the family that’s been doing it for decades.

That’s where boundaries come in. This is how I feel and this is what I prefer. That’s where it’s all level layers on top of it. The contrast can give way. It could be a beautiful thing for you to get clarity to know yourself, to know your partner. As time goes on, as decades go on, however long you’ve been with your partner, things and desires change.

It’s not the same thing over and over again. We get older, we grow and we mature. In health, for example, we don’t want to eat the same things over and over again. We decide to do some changes. We decide that we want to be healthier. We want to go to the gym more often or go out on a hike more often. These habits will change over time.

It’s important to talk about the vision. There’s the contrast that gives way to the vision and then there’s that feeling of like, “I’m desiring. I feel like I want to go on a trip. I feel like I want to do something different.” The two ways of looking at how you can start creating your visions from that big macro level are, what are the things that are frustrating you or you are angry and disappointed about?

What are the things that you’re not enjoying in your relationship and what aspect is it? It’s not the whole relationship. It might be you’re happy in many aspects of the relationship, but you’re wanting more romance time, travel time and intimate time. You’re wanting more connections without distractions. That’s what our episode next time is going to be. It’s the distractions that come in a relationship.

What’s the contrast? In that, contrast is always clarified by asking yourself, what is it that I do want? What do I want? Why do I want it? That’s important because it gets you into the vibration of getting to dream, think and get into that creative place of why you want something.

Bringing that feeling in will start the vibrational shift and the Law of Attraction will start giving you more. Your frequency will start giving you different ideas that you didn’t even think about before. What do you want? Why do you want it? How do you want to feel?

When We’re Desiring Anything, We Want To Feel Something

At the bottom line, whenever we’re desiring anything, we want to feel something. What do you want to feel in all aspects of your relationship, with your partner, with your extended family, in the aspect of money, with the kids, with the health of your bodies? It’s all these different aspects.

We’re going to drill this down deep into the couple’s retreat so that by the time you leave, you have a very clear vision from a macro level and then teach you how we did it. How we do it on a daily basis? What’s the vision for the day? What do we have coming up at the weekend?

We were talking about when do we want to put up the Christmas tree? Where do we want to put the Christmas tree? We talk about these things so that when we do the thing, the vision has already been talked about. Do we correct, continue and adjust? Absolutely.

At least we understand each other when there’s something that we both want to do or each one of us thinks that there’s something important. For her, she wants to put the Christmas tree as early as possible and take it down as early as possible as well.

He would have it until March.

I’m okay to have it the whole year. Let’s celebrate.

That’s how you have to cut a compromise sometimes in your visions. It’s important. We’re even talking about it on the other show. I was saying, “I’d love for you to contribute more.” Rob, our producer was like, “You actually do this thing. You practice what you preach and communicate.” I’m like, “I’m feeling like this. This is what I’d like.” He’s like, “I hear you. You guys do practice what you preach.”

That’s why we stay as conscious connected couples because these things that we learned, we’ve applied it in our relationship. They’re tried and true. We’re grateful for our teachers in the past that have taught us this. We’re not perfect. We’re just a couple that’s doing it. We’ve got kids that are young and going through life.

We’ve got human reactions as everyone else. We know how to deal with those when it comes up.

I hope that you’re enjoying this show. I’m grateful that you’re reading this or however you want to do that. If you’re interested in spending some time with us in Scottsdale, Arizona, you can go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples. We have very limited space but very intimate.

It’s going to be a lot of fun to spend some time with us, create your visions and to be able to apply The Seven New Rules of Relationship plus do some Goddess and Warrior Work and much more. Have an amazing week, everyone. We’ll see you in the next episode where we talk about distractions.

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The Shared Truths Of Relationships

 

Try as you might, you can never truly keep your feelings hidden from your partner. The shared truths of relationships are often communicated through vibrations, energies. Christy Whitman and Frederic Gobeil discuss the second rule of relationships: “If it’s true for you, then it’s true for me.” Oftentimes, in an attempt to lift the burden of your own emotions from your partner, you attempt to obscure your truth and reality from them, not knowing that what you’re doing is just exacerbating the problem. Your feelings are your truth, and as Christy and Frederic demonstrate, communicating them is an important step you should be able to take in a relationship.

Watch the episode here:

CLICK HERE FOR CHRISTY & FREDERIC’S RESOURCES FOR COUPLES >>

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Below is a transcript of the video and audio above. The paragraphs and sections are alternated between bold / not bold for ease of reading along with the video or audio.

The Shared Truths Of Relationships

What we are talking about on the show is the second rule of relationship. We’ve talked about the first rule of relationship and our teacher, Karen Wilson. The first rule of relationship is we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves in their presence and that’s a huge rule.

We’re talking about the second one and we’re going to go through these seven because there are seven rules of relationship at our couple’s retreat in Scottsdale. You can go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples to learn more about it. We are going to be going through the seven of them in our couple’s retreat.

If It’s True For You, Then It’s True For Me

For now, we’re talking about the second rule of relationship, which is, “If it’s true for you, then it’s true for me.” This affects all relationships. If there’s something that feels off that you feel maybe disrespected or you feel certain anger, what you’re feeling in the relationship, the other person on some level energetically is also feeling it. That’s the second rule of relationship.

In some ways, there is a common feeling with what’s going on from each other, whether it’s anger, even if it’s sadness, if it’s happiness, in some ways, your partner does feel it and often it comes from the body. The body speaks to us. Whether it’s something in your body or your facial expression, your partner will feel and see that.

We have to start with the basis that everything is energy. Energy doesn’t lie and it carries vibrations in the universe. All vibration is communication that goes out into the universe. Even the universe could be the relationship that you’re having with your partner. As I’m feeling a sense of anger, frustration, joy, gratitude or appreciation, those waves of energy go to the other person and they receive it.

We’re receiving energy. We are energy receivers and then we’re also energy transmitters. If your partner is in the receiving mode of it, he or she is going to be resonating with the same vibration that you’re giving out. If you are frustrated, even if you don’t say, “I am frustrated,” even if you are holding it inside, you’re communicating with your vibration and the energy that you give out. Your partner is going to feel it.

Why this is important in a relationship is because when you can feel yourself first and understand that “Something’s wonky here or I don’t feel respected, I don’t feel heard, I don’t feel appreciated or I’m feeling irritated with this person.”

It’s good to be able to feel that within yourself and understand that if it’s going on within you, at some level, whether it’s conscious or not, it’s going on within the other person. You can tell your partner, “I feel this right now. This is going on inside of me and I want to talk about it.” That way it opens the communication like, “I’m feeling angry.”

[bctt tweet=”Energy doesn’t lie, and it carries vibrations in the universe. ” via=”no”]

That’s part of sometimes that frustration that someone would have, feeling angry, disappointed, frustrated that that person wants to show it. He does not necessarily need to show it in an extravagant way or in a drama type of way and do drama, but try to center themselves and stay somewhat calm. What would be the thing that they would need to do to feel their feeling?

Feel Your Own Feelings

You first have to feel your own feelings. You have to know how you’re feeling first before you ever communicate it. We’ve talked about on the show that you want to process that emotion of anger, frustration or whatever it is so that you’re not coming with all this great emotion at your partner.

It’s to feel the frustration and honor your own energetic vibration and feelings and then to be able to go to your partner and say, “This is what’s going on inside of me. I’m feeling frustrated and here are the reasons why.” That way, your partner can then say, “I’ve been feeling that too,” then you can talk about it.

If it is true for you, it’s true for them as well. This is in all relationships. It doesn’t matter if it’s a father and a son or a daughter and a mother-in-law or a daughter and a mother or sister-in-law. If it’s true for one, it is true for the other because this is an energetic tie. It’s feeling yourself and being able to honor yourself first and then being able to communicate it and talk about it. It’s looking for the solution so that this feeling doesn’t continue to happen.

Shared Truth In Relationships: Even if you’re holding your feelings inside, you’re communicating it with the vibration and energy you give out.

 

Frederic and I have talked about this before in other shows where it’s like if I’m pissed off or disappointed, maybe I’m angry because I’m not getting what I want in a relationship. The go-to emotion for someone might be frustration or anger because you’re not getting what you want. Instead of communicating what you want or need to your partner, you silently throw energy, throw daggers.

Your partner is going to feel that. It might come out in the way of seeing nothing I ever do feels like enough because if you’re feeling bad in any way, it’s coming from lack. If you’re feeling good, you’re in abundance. If I’m in a place of anger, frustrated or disappointed, that energy is going to hit him as if he’s not enough, “He’s not doing enough, not being enough, and he’s disappointing me.” He’s going to feel that energetic vibration of lack.

Be Connected With Yourself

How do we get back to communicating and connecting with ourselves when we’re in that energy of frustration?

The sooner you can catch it, the better. The solution for everything is to be connected with yourself and to know how you are feeling, to process those emotions, to communicate what you would prefer with your partner, “I’ve been feeling angry about this. I’m feeling angry or I’m disappointed about the way the boys had been treated,” for example. I would prefer that they’re treated this way or whatever it is.

Have your partner explain and talk about how they feel as well so that you’re coming to a place of what has been happening isn’t working for either one of us. What are the solutions? What are our options? How do we move forward so that we’re both getting what we want in this relationship?

The next episode that we’re going to be talking about is a couple’s vision. It’s important to look at all aspects of your relationship. When you’re noticing some level of contrast where it shows up as a negative emotion, ask yourself, “What is it that I want? Why do I want it and how do I want to feel?” You can figure that out within yourself because you’re the one feeling the emotion and you’re the one aware of the emotion.

Maybe your partner is not or the mother-in-law, sister-in-law, sister, brother, best friend or whoever you’re in a relationship with. You’re the one feeling it. Since you’re the one aware of it, deciding for yourself what is it that I want? Why do I want that? How do I want to feel? You process that energy so that you can come to the person you’re in a relationship with and say, “This isn’t working for me and here’s what I would like for a solution. Here’s what I would prefer instead.”

This is like having good timing with your partner. If you need to have a certain time in order to reflect on what’s going on with yourself, then mention that you need a little bit of time to assess what’s going on with yourself to dig inside and look at, “This is why I’m reacting like that. This is the reason why I’m angry.”

If you sit down and think about it, you’ll find out as you peel the layer, where’s the issue. As you come up with the issue, then you can sit down with your partner and say, “This is what I’m feeling right now. This is the reason why I’m angry,” and have better communication around that.

We’re going to dive deep in the seven rules of a relationship. We’ve talked about one and we’ve done one on another episode. Now, it’s all about, “If it’s true for you, it’s true for me.” If there’s some level of vibrational dissonance happening within yourself, it is true for the other person at some level because they’re picking up on it. These are important relationship rules to understand, to be able to know and to implement.

We are going to be diving deep, implementing and mastering them at our couple’s retreat. If you want more information, you can go to ChristyWhitman.com/couples. Know that you are the most important person in your relationship because you are always with yourself.

How you feel, what you think, everything you say about yourself and in the relationship about your partner will be reflected in your outer reality. Everything is based on vibration and the Law of Attraction. On the next episode, we’re going to be talking about your couple’s vision. We appreciate you reading this blog. Thank you so much.

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